Pause and Thaw
11/03/2015 - 18:56 Submitted by Melinda Gates
I choked. I stumbled. I fell down and people saw.
It happened because, in a moment of blessed opportunity, I focused on saying the right things instead of simply speaking what was true for me. I focused on proving myself rather than simply being myself. Instead of dropping anchor and showing up even more fully, I left my body and sought refuge in my head, thinking its calculated wisdom would serve me better than the authentic truth of conscious, vulnerable, embodied human experience. I was wrong.
So I choked, stumbled and fell down. I froze.
And then I took the invitation to pause and reconnect to what was real and present, shameful as it was. In that pause I became anchored again ~ in my body, with the merciful in and out-breath of that moment, and to the kind and generous love that fills and is the Presence. The question is always whether I will allow myself to relax and receive it ~ or not.
Words and actions shared from an expanded, embodied experience are always more real than those that emerge from the constricted space of judging, comparing or proving.
When I’m feeling small and tight from suffocating stories, it simply means I’ve lost touch with what is most real and true, which is eternally greater and more generous than I can ever think. This forgetting is always, and only, an invitation to pause and come back, that's all. Nothing to judge or fix; the pausing is the solution. And...I’m still learning to embrace and rejoice in the frequent invitations.
So, I choked and then paused and found my breath again. I stumbled and then paused and regained my footing, my balance and my mooring in my body. I fell down and then paused and fell into all that moment contained ~ the shame...the love...the Grace...and the longing for real connections that are only available when I'm honest and real, with myself and with you.
I paused and I was thawed into greater wholeness.
Every moment we can pause and thaw.