How To Stop Over-Empathing And Taking On Negativity From Others
by Lola Jones
At a recent Retreat I was leading, the Divine Openings Guides were asking if they can soak up negativity from the people to whom they are giving Divine Openings or healings. It should not happen, but some people have developed a habit of sponging up things from others, and they do it everywhere--with their families, at a party, in the grocery store, so they also might do it when counseling or supporting people. Even though giving Divine Openings is designed and structured to prevent it--our Free Will overrides everything.
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How Overempathing Happens
It usually begins with being naturally very sensitive or empathic. Being empathic is a blessing--and a curse if you don't know how to manage it.
Sensitivity is a gift, but any gift taken to extreme becomes a negative. Any strength taken to extreme becomes a weakness. Empathing what other people are feeling is meant to be a temporary reading of their Instrument Panel (which is explained fully in the book Things Are Going Great In My Absence. This article, like all the others, takes on tremendous power after reading the foundational book.)
Vibrations you pick up from others are useful information you're meant to receive and then let go of. Take the Instrument Panel reading, use that information to help them, then let go of the feeling vibration.
Why would someone try to carry low vibrations for another person or a client?
1. Often it's a feeling of unworthiness, such as, "Why should I be doing well when so many are suffering?" But if you take on their low vibration, now there are two of you down there. If you jump in the pit with them, who's going to get the rope to get you out?
Better if you stay up so you can help them.
2. Over-empathers have an exaggerated sense of responsibility for other people, or they want to feel needed or important.
They don't let others take responsibility for their own vibration and life. It's actually a form of trying to controlling others, fix them, or change them inappropriately.
We empower others by helping, but not carrying them.
3. Some overempathers do it to "be a good person." But anyone who sponges up low vibration ends up unhappy, and that doesn't make you a good person--it makes you a victim.
4. Some people need to be a healer or helper to feel "important" or special. If this is you, address this immediately, as it is the worst reason there is to be a healer. You need to feel worthy, valued, and complete independent of what you do. If you need people to make you important or say you're powerful, you're on a slippery slope. It never leads to fulfillment.
I perceive someone who needs my help as temporarily having forgotten who they are, and my wish is for them to remember ASAP, and as soon as possible, not need me. If you need to be needed, there is a void within you, and you will find your fullness by going within to The Presence.
5. Some say, "Well, it's my compassion, love, and care for people." Is it? Holding a vision of someone as broken, powerless, weak, and needing your help on an ongoing basis makes you a contributor to the problem. Again, it is often your terror and lack of allowing the flow and the goodness of Life that has you want to carry others and manage the Universe that is already perfectly orchestrated. Learn how it works and you'll love it!
Jesus simply did not see people as sick or crazy, so they could not be sick or crazy for long in his Presence. Being human, his vibration did falter a few times, thus his crucifixion. He recovered his equanimity on the cross, in extreme circumstances! He is not meant to be an example of martyrdom being a good thing, as Christian theology has proposed. His message was love and Grace--redemption without paying any price for it.
Feel into this if you are an over-empather: It is not your job to save, rescue, carry, or even manage others. The "wounded healer" sacrifices herself to help others. She can serve her clients much better when her vibration is high.
One Guide said her mom imagines faxing the many problems friends and family share with her straight to The Presence. Then it's not hers to carry anymore. She's handed it over to a higher power.
The wounded healer is extremely "old-paradigm" and we don't recommend being one. It's an old stereotype. Divine Openings Guides are not wounded healers and are not seeking and struggling. Wounded healers may unconsciously get satisfaction from their sacrifice. There is so much more joy available to you in giving your service!
If you are unhappy, still seeking, broke, tired, overweight, out of shape, and unhealthy, your first job is to get yourself together and tapped in before you can effectively serve others. Get happy, healthy, light, and prosperous and people will naturally want what you have. Live it and demonstrate it in your daily life, and they will flock to you. They pick up your vibration.
If your clients or family are bringing you down instead of you bringing them up, you're really in trouble. Since our vibration attracts more of what we're vibrating, there is always a spiral going on. Life either gets worse or it gets better. It is not reality, it is every individual's creation. That's why I don't listen to psychics or channelers who say scary, apocalyptic things--that's their reality, not mine. Their "guides" are being heard through the filter of their low vibration. To hear pure Source clearly, your vibration must be high. That means you are happy and doing well in your life.
Signs of over-empathing include:
- Being unhappy when people around you aren't happy
- Your emotions are influenced by what others are feeling
- Can't be happy if friends and family are not happy
- Weight gain--taking on the weight of the world, or your body is trying to shield from the pain or burden it's taking on
- Being unhealthy
- Fatigue, unclarity, confusion, guilt, or overwhelm--any low vibration
- Getting attached to how well your clients are doing, feeling responsible for it even though you do a good job
- Victim feelings, unloved or unappreciated
- Feeling it's unfair that you give so much and don't get a lot back
- Unhappy life--not taking care of yourself and minding your own vibration
- Trying to get your worthiness or redemption from helping others rather than raising your own vibration--you can't help enough people to make worthiness happen
- Feeling a grandiose need to be important rather than going within for quiet, deeply satisfying worthiness
How To Stop Over-Empathing
The habit of overempathing is easy to stop, and we suggest everyone stop, especially if they want to truly help people in any way professionally.
It is only a vibrational habit, and you can stop, without processing your childhood--without processing anything or working on yourself. You intend it in the here and NOW, where your power all is. Yes, childhood low vibrations will rise, but there is no old-paradigm "work" involved.
Intend it to be very simple, and it is.
Second thing, if I have picked up a bit of low vibration (I am human): I prostrate (lie on the floor face down with my hands extended above my head in prayer position) and lay it all down at the feet of The Presence. That usually does it.
I work with thousands of people, some of whom have seriously low vibration at first, so if I do happen to take on some of their burden, or wonder, "Will they get better?" I remind myself that is not my business, and that I am in the way when I doubt, or take it on, or worry about it. Even though I do have a shamanistic ability to transmute people's vibration, I do not take on the low vibration on for them like a traditional shaman does.
People who sit in a strong, high field of resonance with a powerful teacher get a valuable chance to align to it (even from across the world while listening to audios), which helps them move gradually from their old lower vibrational range up into a higher vibrational range. When they do that, and let go, miracles happen. If I as the teacher didn't let go, I'd be in the way. If they won't yet let go, miracles do not happen yet.
Remember the title of my book, which was given to me precisely in these words: Things Are Going Great In My Absence: How To Let Go And Let The Divine Do The Heavy Lifting. When I live that title, I am at my most powerful.
If they haven't come to me and asked for help, as in family or friend situations, it is not my business, and I let go, period. My job is to love them and appreciate them, not fix them.
Just like everywhere else in life,
if it's too big for you, give it over.
Some say they're so sensitive that they can't go out in crowds. That is just a sign that their own vibration is so low as to be unsteady. They need to raise it. The one thing in the Universe you can and should control is yourself. One who is grounded, balanced, and has clear intentions will not be much disturbed by other people's vibrations.
If you vibrate significantly with someone else's low vibration, it simply means there is some tiny hum of that vibration within you that attracted it. Otherwise a low vibration would not resonate with you, or stick to you at all. You would skip happily right through it.
If you suddenly feel a feeling that seems odd, ask, "Is this mine?" You'll know if it is or not. If it isn't, let it move on after you've taken the information you need from it.
When you feel something negative from someone else, say to yourself, "That is not mine. Thank you for the information. Now it must move on up." Thus you train your system to do what you want. Practice everywhere, all the time until your body gets the new habit. It's easy.
Don't get attached to it.
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