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  • Enjoy, love, feel more

    The art of love and sex helps you

    Enjoy, love, feel more

    This course has less video/audio than our others, but has really worked for ten years. It's for couples who want to experience more pleasure, and for single people who want to create a juicy next relationship.

The Art Of Love And Sex Tantric Online Course

Welcome To Module 1

One tuition admits one Single person or one Couple


If you're taking the free trial, the Directory links work ONLY after you register.

Audio Library

Embrace, by Lola Jones. All original art by Lola Jones can be ordered in any size print.

Have you always longed for more than "just sex?"

More intimate, ecstatic, whole-being sex that propels your spiritual life?

Something playful and deep you can share with your partner while deepening your relationship forever?

Well, you are here.


If you're taking this Module 1 as a Free Trial, enjoy the pleasurable activities, and then we'll invite you to register. This is a typical module, long, detailed, and juicy! It could take a week to enjoy it and practicing it could take more time.


We begin with non-sexual activities to sensitize you, and then get into the sexual material in later modules. The course is comprehensive.

The intensity level of this Tantric retreat increases gradually
after we build an easy, non-intimidating foundation.


Feel The Vibe!

We're excited to share with you this video about women reclaiming their feminine power. It was recorded live after a retreat in the U.K. It starts serious, then it gets really funny and interactive. You'll get a feeling of Lola's light, sensual teaching style. And it will help you entice your man to take this course with you. Enjoy!

"I LOVE the Love and Sex course!!! Finally had the perfect time for the feeding exercise this weekend and we both melted away... Have you seen the movie Ratatouille? The rat tastes food and combines them and you can see the flavours as colour explosions - well that is what it was like for us. We had our eyes closed so didn't know what the other one would feed you and it was the most delicious experience. When you are so fully in the moment EVERYTHING is delicious.  I love all these playful, simple exercises to heighten the senses! They not only relax me in a profound way, they affect my whole day on many levels. Bringing me back to the moment, savouring my present luxuries even more consciously, deepening the bond between my husband and me in a deep, unspectacular and wonderful way... so good. I am savouring the path to the "juicy" parts LOL Thank you!!!" Gabriele, Europe

"My sex life is now completely, amazingly better than before this course. It is astounding how much I opened up. I still haven't finished this course because there's so much in it, and it gets so intense I need to take a break to get ready to let more in. The most profound thing of many things I got is that "I create it, not the other person." The other person just has to be reasonably on my wavelength for it to be great." K, Texas

What Is the Art of Love and Sex?

This course encompasses two basic types of sex: conventional and tantric. Enjoy both!


1. Conventional sex focuses mostly on the physical: stimulation, excitement, heat, intensity. The goal is always orgasm.  "Good" conventional sex is usually called hot sex. Hot fires often burn out faster. Trying to sustain that heat long term has obvious downsides. Conventional sex is often mechanical, unconscious, and conditioned by media. For most people it requires increasing novelty, stimulation, mental activity, fantasy, or even new partners to prevent boredom.


2. Tantric sex is based on energy, connection, love, and presence, and is long-term sustainable. Tantric sex is "no-mind" sex that allows the bodies' own innate intelligence to take over, leading to an ever-deepening connection between partners. Tantra cultivates sensitivity, quality, and pleasure that only gets better over time. Sex becomes a profound and satisfying deep meditation. It is not goal-oriented. The increased depth and intensity of the pleasure on the way makes you forget about the goal of orgasm, although orgasms can reach cosmic proportions without effort.

Women, you will find a fulfillment you've never before experienced as your man fills you body, mind, and soul in a way you've deeply longed for, but never knew exactly how to get there, or even how to ask.

Men, you will find your true manhood, male authority, presence, and fulfillment as you discover the electromagnetic recharge you can give yourself and woman through tantric sex.

Homosexuals enjoy this course because each of us had both male and female inside us. You simply tailor the activities and materials to your preferences.

Single people enjoy it because we are complete in ourselves. You just tap into your male and female opposite inside.


Enjoy Lola's Original Music. Engage all your senses with Lola's sensual song Heaven as you read.

"Heaven is right here on earth."


Tantra is cooler sex, and a cool, eternal flame never burns out. Its pleasures and intensity can not only be sustained, but steadily increased, regardless of age, level of physical condition, or length of time together. Attraction and fascination between couples actually grows over decades as their bodies relax ever more into deeper states of union. You'll find that your body hums just by being in proximity to your lover, and just kissing can send you into a sustained orgasmic state.

With tantra, the length of your relationship becomes a plus instead of a minus to overcome; as your bodies become more attuned, your orgasmic experiences become more magical and infinitely varied, each encounter being unique. Feeling the bond between you strengthen every year for decades erases the need for hot sex, although you can do hot sex if you still enjoy it.

There are no downsides to tantric sex whatsoever.

Men, you'll be surprised to learn you can have orgasms without ejaculating, even multiple ones, and thus avoid that drained feeling after orgasm (that's the reason you often fall asleep after.) You are deeply relieved once you experience how much more energy and peace you have when you don't ejaculate. Of course it's always a choice, and all options remain open.


Never make a partner feel like they must let go of the old way, and especially be careful not to give a man performance pressure. Just slooooowly, gently, and in a spirit of play lead your partner into this new world, and you'll both love it.


My lover was quite accomplished at conventional sex, and he dramatically changed his style to practice tantra with me. One day I asked him, "Do you miss your old way of making love?" His face told the whole story as he said emphatically, "NOOOO!"

Tantric sex is rooted in conscious awareness, intention, love, and presence--attention to now. It's about BEING and allowing rather than DOING. It's not about technique, and it has no rules or rigid structures. We do give you helpful techniques, but they are only to help you get your mind out of the way so you can experience what your body already knows.  Tantra is being completely present in the body (you'll find out by contrast how present you were or were not before.)


Tantra is not working on your sex life, yourself, your relationship, or your sexual issues, but it does resolve sexual issues and hurts, expand communion with Self, Source, and your lover, such that you  merge into an ever more transcendent Oneness.


From out of silence, space, and nothing comes something entirely fresh and new, and it can keep being fresh and new forever. After seeking and chasing sex, love, and pleasure for so long, you'll find it was hiding quietly inside you all along, just waiting for you to slow down and get out of the way long enough to find it.


How parallel to Divine Openings is all of that? Perfect, yes?


Tantric sex is not a set of techniques.
It's a pleasurable way of BEing.


"Found a new pleasure practice while driving to work today...
I've been having breathing orgasms... moaning my way to work. Thank God I'm not travelling collective by bus. Would be a a lot of turning heads for sure." Carina, Sweden

There are no goals in Tantric sex, which relieves both partners of stress and performance anxiety, of the pressure of succeeding in pleasing, or failing to bring orgasm, of needing to get anywhere or do anything.


Tantra gradually brings profound relief from deep sexual anxieties, hurts, and old conditioning, and often provides full resolution for men who have erectile dysfunction, or women who think they're frigid.


You can experience completely fulfilling sex into old age.



For some, Tantra is the truest and most pleasurable path to The Divine.


You'll decide from your own experience what combination of conventional and Tantric sex you enjoy, until one day there is no tantra or conventional, there is the two of you being your most authentic and blissful sexual selves, creating as you go along.

This course inspires and engages you for years, and wow, what an ecstatic endeavor it is--who would want to ever finish it? DO and ENJOY the many pleasurable activities over and over, until your body regains its natural knowing, and becomes your guide to new realms of pleasure and spiritual bliss. You may be astounded to learn that you could, if you both wanted to, have slow, deep, intense sex with your partner twice a day, and never get bored with each other. In fact, you'd want each other more and feel more in love by the year.

Yes, your body already knows how to have Tantric sex, but we have to get the conditioned and controlling mind and your history out of the way. Just like with Divine Openings, this course is more about unlearning old artificial ways, shedding limiting patterns and beliefs, letting go of cultural and childhood conditioning, and returning to your body's deepest wisdom than it is about learning something "new".

It will feel new--you will feel new--but it will be in alignment with what your deepest self always knew.


Your body already knows how to have Tantric sex.
You'll learn to listen to it again.



If you're single, do all the activities solo, focusing on you. The highest tantric experiences can be had all by yourself.

Or let this retreat help you "get ready," align the energy, and savor the wating for the Tantric bliss that's in store for you when you attract your wonderful Tantric partner. It's so much easier to begin a new relationship the way you want it from the start, although if your current partner is willing, you can transform that relationship quite quickly by slowly and gently introducing Tantric sex and letting them experience for themselves how good it feels.

You'll gain insight into past partnerships in the light of what you experience here, and know how you want to create future relationships. Move completely beyond past relationship limitations into wholly new Tantric sex possibilities for deeper enlightenment and expansion.

The whole banquet lies before you.


Never make this course, your relationship, or your spiritual path into work.

Never demand that your partner do it this way.

There are no rules, only thousands of years of time-tested wisdom for you to playfully explore and experiment with.



It's all about enjoyment and love.



Imagine a love life where...

  • There's blissful energy and connection rather than just bodies rubbing together.
  • Age, looks, penis size and hardness, or vaginal size and tightness don't matter at all.
  • Erectile dysfunction or physical disability don't matter.
  • Making love lights both of you up, heals, and rejuvenates you.
  • Your passion naturally grows deeper and sex gets more interesting as the years go by. You don't get bored with your partner--ever! There's no need for kinkiness, 50 shades of gray, or novelty.

This online course is private, tasteful, high vibration, deeply spiritual, direct, real, and practical. It covers both conventional sex and tantric sex, although you can tell we favor tantric sex.

Tantric sex expands your ecstasy, opens your heart, nourishes your spirit, fulfills, and thrills you beyond imagining. It bonds you and your lover ever more deeply as it accelerates your spiritual awakening and evolution.

Imagine how it will feel to live into each of these...

  • Enjoy all types of female orgasms: peak, valley, clitoral, G spot, vaginal, female ejaculation.
  • Female ejaculation, water flow, amrita, the waterfall, or "dolphin water" for women.
  • Men enjoy sex longer without unintended orgasm, and get the great feeling of pleasing her more, while having more energy.
  • Take the tension and performance anxiety out of sex for both of you.
  • If you're single, prepare yourself to attract that Divine Tantric partner, and discover ways to attract that partner without effort.
  • How the penis and vagina communicate electromagnetically to restore and recharge each other.
  • Tantric sex as meditation, spiritual awakening.
  • Sexual communion as part of your spiritual path, taking you higher than you've ever been.
  • Achieve true intimacy, thus more pleasurable and meaningful sex.
  • Have loving, mind-blowing, cosmic sex.
  • Avoid routine, boredom, and relationship burnout.
  • Communicate with your partner in and out of the bedroom.

Have you wondered how to do these?

  • Have him fulfill your deepest desires.
  • Make her more eager for sex, open and receptive to you like never before.
  • Increase intensity and pleasure without needing to get kinkier or weirder.
  • Experience sex as a meditation or have a cosmic experience.
  • Know what's juicing up or hurting your sex life.
  • Remove pleasure limits.
  • Extend pleasure before, during, and after orgasms. We know it sounds impossible, but you can have tantric sex for hours with no fatigue or boredom.
  • Tantric extended valley orgasm for both men and women.
  • Feel your body more, and intensify your sensations.
  • Communicate your desires and dislikes.
  • Use hypnotic language.
  • The art of self-pleasuring--for its own sake and as a means to enhance Tantric lovemaking with your Beloved.
  • Be turned on all during your normal day.
  • Learn how sex and money are related.
  • Use animal urges, or transmute them into Divine Tantric communion.
  • Do a lap dance or exotic seduction.
  • How to be sexily selfish.

Imagine enjoying...

  • Hundreds of Tantric activities.
  • Orgasm with only energy and intention.
  • Erotic Tantric massage for men and women.
  • How the way we learned about sexuality (porn, Hollywood, TV, peers, parents, media) have conditioned us in ways that limit, and how to remedy that.
  • How to lose yourself in Tantric lovemaking and then find your center again so you don't become too enmeshed or dependent.
  • The difference between force and power in sex play.
  • How to use role play, costumes, love names and identities, sex talk, and other dramatic elements deliberately and without embarrassment.
  • Feel more deeply and increase your sensitivity for more pleasure, rather than always having to turn up the stimulation.
  • Fun things to try, or not--there aren't any rules or musts in the Divine Openings Tantra online retreat.
  • Be more present in the moment, a prime element of Tantric sex that will transfer to your work life.
  • How women can get over how they look, shame, history, rape, or any issue through lovemaking.
  • Using sex to restore, heal, energize, and rejuvenate each other.
  • Lose inhibitions and open the heart, for greater ability to give and receive.
  • Classic elements of masculine and feminine and using both to heighten your Tantric sex and love experience.

Now you can...

  • Know your Love Language, Love Sense, and Love Style, and your partner's.
  • Move beyond issues like fear of intimacy, unworthiness, numbness, fear, anger.
  • Develop a Feedback Loop to be a spectacular Tantric lover.
  • Chant your way into ecstatic Tantric states.
  • Use music to deepen your ecstasy.
  • Turn off the brain and let the body's wisdom lead.
  • Experience the beauty of age and how to make love at any age without loss of sensation or satisfaction.
  • Learn how to use lubrication, natural and otherwise.
  • Set the scene for love.
  • Awaken and adore the Goddess in her, the God in him.
  • Handle the ebb and flow of sexual desire or erections.
  • Deal with "issues" that come up with this level of intimacy, depth, and intensity.
  • Soon be done with "issues" so your sex life becomes pure play, pleasure, connection, and Tantric creative self expression.
  • Re-ignite sexuality and rejuvenate a relationship.

We continually add exciting new things to the course.

Can you feel it? Register NOW!

One tuition admits one single person or a couple, and you share the same login (for this course ONLY.) In other courses, each person has their own login.
Learn more and register

The energy foundation for this course comes from reading Lola Jones's book, Things Are Going Great In My Absence. Get the book too for best results.


If you're not sure, get the book first--it's foundational spiritual development that will improve your love life without even talking about sex: Things Are Going Great In My Absence.


Or read on and learn more about the course.....

This Tantric online course exists in a powerful Divine Openings energy vortex that taps you into Tantric bliss. You probably already know if you've experienced Divine Openings that you just line up the non-physical energy, and physical manifestation follows. The Tantric energy in this retreat "works on you"--you don't work on IT. You read it and soak it up, then forget about it and let it integrate--your body knows what to do with it. Then you allow it to emerge through you--play with it, enjoy it, savor it, and let your body lead you.


Many of you "regulars" have already experienced how Divine Openings catalyzed your spiritual enlightenment process without working on yourself, processing or analyzing. And for many of you Divine Openings already breathed new life into your relationships. Well, get ready for more, much more. This course is long, thorough, and self-paced. We suggest doing it slooooowly. Then going back and doing it again, and again!


Because Tantric sex is on the same vibration as Divine Openings, those of you who know Divine Openings will get the big rewards of tantric sex much faster.


Here are just a few of the qualities that both Divine Openings and tantric sex share:

  • It's spiritual and physical bliss.
  • It's about love, presence, consciousness, awareness, and being--unlike conventional sex that is all about thinking, fantasy, action, and doing.
  • You slow everything down, so you can feel more of the exquisite subtlety that moving too fast causes us to miss.
  • You're in the moment, feeling what's happening now, in a way you've never been before.
  • You relax more deeply than you knew was possible, and lose the sense of effort. (Effort is counterproductive.)
  • No chasing orgasm, seeking anything, or goals--you relax into the now and enjoy the ride.
  • You let go to the flow rather than make anything happen. It's not work, it's play and pleasure.
  • The most blissful experiences are found deep in the quiet and stillness of the Void.
  • It's a heightened state of being that you live in.
  • You get out of the way and let something larger than your mind take over, and dive deep into the ecstasy and wisdom of the body. Your body will surprise you with what it knows.
Conventional Life & Conventional SexDivine Openings Life & Tantric Sex
Tensed, fast...HOT Relaxed, slow...COOL
Physical Energy, connection, vibration
Work at it Relax and allow it to constantly get better
Action, effort, strain, push Energy alignment before action, then allow natural unfolding
Unconscious, habitual, auto-pilot Aware, conscious, deliberate, non-habitual
Conditioning from the past Natural, fresh, new every time
Mental (fantasy) in your head Body wisdom, sensual, feeling, loving
Goal focused, "get somewhere" Enjoy the ride, extend it!
FUTURE/PAST plays into it NOW is all that matters, you're fully present here in the body
You get desensitized and feel less over time You get sensitized and feel more over time
Outer focused: looks, technique, superficial Inner focused: deep, meditative, authentic
Small self Large Self
Drains energy for the man Restorative to both, builds energy
Orgasm as an EVENT that lasts a few seconds Orgasmic as a long-lasting STATE
Requires a partner Self-ecstatic potential, solo

How It Will Go

When you register, you enter a powerful field of Tantric resonance. The energy in the course attunes you to the frequency of Tantric sexual bliss and love. This energy and your intention do a lot of the "work" for you. The powerful energies of Divine Openings work on you, prepare you, and open you up to more Grace, ease, and Tantric bliss.

If you've experienced Divine Openings, you're already familiar with the transformations that occur just from the energy and Grace of Divine Openings. If you haven't yet experienced Divine Openings you may think we're making unrealistic claims, so we highly recommend that you experience the book, Things Are Going Great In My Absence.




For ease, we will always speak as if the couple is a man and a woman, but we are very clear that gender preferences and roles abound with endless variety, and we leave the translation to you as to who is playing what role in your relationship. We'll say he and she, when either gender can be substituted. Tantric sex is based on the polarity between male and female, but since each human has an inner opposite sex, gay people can tap this, and singles can experience tantra without a partner.



Enhancing Your Feedback Loop -- Tuning In To Your Partner

If there is one single thing that makes the most difference in lovemaking artistry, it’s your Feedback Loop, your sensitivity. It's your moment-to-moment reading of your partner. It's being fully present, not in your head or fantasies, but in your body. Both sexes benefit from this, but men usually have to cultivate awareness of this more. The book helps tremendously with that.

Better "technique" will never replace being finely, energetically tuned into your partner. Tantra isn't about technique, it's about getting tuned in! It's not about doing it better--it's about connecting and feeling more.


It's not what you do--it's HOW you do it.


And once you know each other's favorite Love Language, Love Sense, and Love Style, also covered in this course, and do the sensitizing activities, your Feedback Loop will become ever more finely tuned.

Since man is the leader, the positive pole of the polarity, it is absolutely vital for a man to improve his Feedback Loop. This course and Divine Openings will guide him to the high self esteem he needs to be able to tap into her and feel whether she's responding to his touch--or not. Tantra will enable him to tune out his own thoughts, work concerns, and preoccupations of performance, to be 100% present, to get out of his head and fully into his body, his hands, his penis, his senses. If we are actually so preocuppied with our own feelings and sensations, or other life concerns, we're not tuned into our partner, and have no idea if our touches feel good to them or not. We can barely feel ourselves.

When a person has a great Feedback Loop, they notice their partner's most minute responses, and they adjust in the flow of it. If she was responding great, but is suddenly not, he's so in tune he notices and responds, gets more present to her, changes his touch, rhythm, or timing until her response rises again. He constantly adjusts for her ever-increasing pleasure.

He softens his touch, slows down his caresses, softens his lips. He stops, looks into her eyes, pulls her closer, or reaches into his heart, then speaks words of love. He continues to adapt to her responses and continues to build the connection. He finds her flow. She does the same.

You could call this "finding your parter", "reading them",

or "getting on the same wave".

Don't worry--it's not work! Fun, pleasurable, exciting activities in this course naturally develop your Feedback Loop. It could take you years to fully enjoy and master this course's many resources. It starts easy with non-threatening non-sexual activities, then builds to quite explicit advanced techniques you may not see anywhere else unless you're a full time student of sexual bliss.


While both partners need a great Feedback Loop it's more important for the man to have it because men are simpler to please, and may not realize how different a woman's body and psyche are. Men are faster to arousal and almost guaranteed to have an orgasm, while women are usually slower to arousal, require more time to warm up, and are not so guaranteed to orgasm. When he "finds her wave" and learns to play on it and surf it, things get really, really good. If a person doesn't have a well-tuned Feedback Loop, they're only paying attention to themselves, it causes a disconnect in the loop.

Some lovers persist in doing a routine that worked for their past lovers, or even one that worked earlier in this relationship. Be present in this moment to find where your lover is right now. Over time you learn their deepest rhythms, hot buttons, and turn-ons, and just as important in tantra, how to cool them down if they get too hot.

You can help each other discover yourselves and understand each other better. Be awake. Play. Notice. Establish emotional connection each time before you begin sexual contact. A thoughtful lover even makes mental lists of things his lover especially enjoys, but never assumes he now has the permanent keys, never consdiers it a script, and stays present and responsive to now.


Let's get going with ways to tune in! We'll show you lots of ways, so enjoy each one.





Synchronize Your Breathing

This activity is deceptively simple, but incredibly powerful. We promise if you do this a couple times a week for two weeks it will transform your sex life and your emotional connection. It tunes you in to each other on a deep, subconscious level that bypasses the mind and has the same effects as meditation.



Starter version of synchronized breathing:

  • Lie down on your sides on the bed with your partner and hold each other, eyes closed. Breathe deeply in and out through the nose, expanding the belly (not the chest) then slowly begin to synchronize your breathing.
  • Feel through any feeling that arises and go for ten to fifteen minutes. The pleasure is delicious.


It has multiple yummy benefits:

  1. Deep breathing gets you naturally high. Causes feelings of bliss within ten minutes.
  2. Notice the degree to which you were previously not breathing deeply.
  3. It literally, physically gets you both on the same wavelength and in a meditative state. How fun! Sex will become a part of your meditation practice.
  4. It gets you fully in your body. Scan down your body. Become aware of the degree to which you'd been in your head and not in your body.
  5. Best of all: the more often you do this, the more you begin to associate that pleasure with your partner. It builds or regenerates deep feelings of pleasure about your partner. If you're not newlyweds anymore, you may have come to associate your partner with not-so-pleasurable things. You may not realize how you look at our spouse and instantly (but unconsciously) feel feelings associated with housework, bills, past arguments, and duties like diaper changing!



More advanced version of synchronized breathing with eye contact:
Now you can increase the intensity after you've done it a few times lying down.

  • Sit facing each other cross legged on the sofa, knee to knee.
  • Suggest to your partner that you each close your eyes and center your focus within for the first five minutes or longer.
  • Then open your eyes slightly, and keeping your focus inward, softly include your partner in your gaze. Let them come INTO YOU through your eyes rather than reaching OUT to see them.
  • Synchronize your breathing, and continue for ten to fifteen minutes.
  • Notice if you want to stop or look away. Looking away or breaking away from the synchronized breathing are subconscious fear of intimacy. Don't judge this, don't worry, don't make it wrong--just gently breathe through those feelings. Gently allow yourself to face and feel the discomfort consciously, and bliss will come more each time you do this.

The intense pleasure becomes associated more and more with your partner, and this is seriously quality time!



Exquisite Sensory Sensitivity

We start easy, non-sexual, and comfortable, because intimacy can make you feel very vulnerable, touching your most tender places inside. Trust us, though: this activity improves your feedback loop and takes your lovemaking to new heights. Fingertips, hands, the insides of wrists are exquisitely sensitive.


Another reason to begin with non-sexual exercises and touches in the early modules is that the wild activity of hot sex can actually distract us from intimacy and connection. This activity helps you focus, slow down and get comfortable being truly intimate. You'll build up to sexual activities soon.



ACTIVITY: Adoring the hands--enhancing your senses. Tell your partner this is not to make something happen or get turned on--it's to enjoy, and enhance your connection. If you get turned on, or not, it's okay!

Take turns doing this. Singles, I've done this by myself and it opened surprising doors for me in being my more feminine self!

When I was in Florence, Italy, I found the hands of the statue of David to be a most sensual and erotic sight. Hands are for giving and receiving pleasure and gifts.

  1. You can do this to yourself if you're single.
    Couples, take 15 minute turns doing this. Decide who is the first giver of touch. Don't touch each other at the same time in this exercise.
  2. Sit fully clothed with your partner.
  3. Decide who is adored first. No matter how long you've known each other, imagine this is your first ever sensual touch with a partner.
  4. Slowly and softly touch one fingertip to the top of your partner's finger, paying total attention to the sensation in your own hand, your own body. Vary the touch, focusing on how good it feels to your own fingertip.
  5. Look at their face to get feedback, then look at their hand. Focus on your own deep, slow, easy belly breathing to stay in your body and senses and out of your head.
  6. Make it like a meditation--no thinking!
  7. Then lightly stroke their hand. Really look at their hand. Trace the veins and notice the hairs, scars, moles, and skin. Turn the hand over and touch the palm with feather lightness. Focus on your breathing and let it be a relaxing meditation.
  8. Eventually take the hand in both your hands, bring it slowly to your lips, and brush it with your lips.  Adore the whole person through that hand. Have a sensual experience through that hand, as in the old courtly love rituals--they had the most romantic ecstasy without sex!
  9. Be 100% present in your hands. Be in total appreciation and enjoyment of THIS MOMENT. You're expanding your sensitivity and your Feedback Loop. Sex will be better for it.
  10. If you feel rushed or anxious, slow down, breathe through that feeling till it rises up the Instrument Panel. Don't touch anywhere else until you have experienced both their hands in a whole new way, and you sense they want more. Or it can end right there.
  11. Change who's the toucher or reciever.


You may notice the degree to which you were not present when touching your partner in the past. Notice when you tune out, lose connection with your own body, or your partner. Notice if you're uncomfortable at any point, and note when that passes. Take score of every little increase in pleasure.

Touching ACTIVITY:

Play this Conscious Touch Game. It will automatically sensitize your awareness and Feedback Loop.

Take 15 minute turns, with one being giver, then 15 minutes being receiver.

Decide who is giver and receiver first. The receiver doesn't do anything back to the giver.


Don't touch genitals or sexual parts in this game. When it's over, you can have sex if you both want to.


Take a few minutes to close your eyes and go within before you begin, and keep your awareness inside yourself, but INCLUDE your partner in your awareness. It's as if you take your partner into YOU, so you stay "home in yourself" but can still feel your partner.

  1. As you the giver touch your partner's arm, leg, neck, or face: BE your hand, feeling them through your hand. Then stop and breathe for twenty seconds or so, giving it a complete rest from the intense sensation, and let their nerve endings rest. Experience the contrast of movement and stillness.
  2. Do it without any goal. Later you can use it to take your partner to new heights. 
  3. Your partner can always feel it if you're on autopilot, "just rubbing," doing repetitive unconscious motions, or otherwise not present with you 100%. Slooooooooow way down, and stay conscious of each.... touch.... and each.... sensation.
  4. While giving your partner any kind of touch or kiss, play with occasionally being still. There is a "sensation fatigue" threshhold that's different for each person. Some people go numb to any repetitious touch very quickly. For some people, especially women, repetitious touch actually becomes annoying and unpleasant, but she may be so accustomed to enduring unconscious, unpleasant touch, she doesn't even know it! Or she may be afraid to risk letting her feelings be known.

Let this fun activity be a jumping off point for inspired new ideas or lovemaking if you're both ready.

Every time you touch your partner after this, you'll be increasingly more AWARE of HOW you touch, and which touches your partner responds to with the most pleasure.



ACTIVITY -- Conscious Kissing:

Don't touch genitals or sexual parts in this game. When it's over, you can then if you both want to.

  • Close your eyes and go within, keeping your awareness inside yourself, but INCLUDE your partner in your awareness. You stay "home in your body."
  • Kiss. As you slooooowly kiss your partner BE your lips, for a solid five minutes.


Feel the difference between unconsciously, mechanically,
and absent-mindedly "doing"
and being awake and present
to every touch.


  • When you first encounter each other after your workday, take your lover's face in your hands and just gaze with an appreciative or relaxed expression and speak no words. This is so much more soothing than launching into talking about how your day was. Slow yourself down and get in intimate communion, so your evening is more connected no matter what you do.


Make a practice of gazing at each other often without having to talk. It's incredibly intimate when you're not distracting yourself with talk. Talk can DECREASE INTIMACY!



The Platinum Rule

(replaces the Golden Rule)

Rather than treating people as you would want to be treated
and giving them what you'd want to be given (as in the Golden Rule),
the Platinum Rule is to treat others as they want to be treated
and give them what they want to be given.

To do that, you have to find out what your partner wants and likes, and they may not even know how to tell you. You may have been married twenty years yet don't know this most basic information about each other.


So we'll help you!


What's Your Favorite Love Language, and Love Sense?

Having different Love Languages and Love Senses than your partner can get in the way of connection until you learn each other's styles. What turns one on may do nothing for the other partner.

In the early courting phase, hormones, newness, and excitement overshadow everything, but later you may notice that your partner doesn't naturally or often do the things that make you feel most loved.

Once you know what makes each other feel loved, you can both make a point of doing or saying those things.


Do you REALLY know what floats your partner's emotional boat,
lights her candle, rings his bell most?


Let's say a man interprets doing things for his partner as love, so he does lots of practical things for her, and brings home all his money, yet she still doesn't feel loved. She feels love most when he says supportive things, but the things he does for her don't turn her on.

She says lots of supportive things to him because that's what she'd want, but he's not feeling the love from that--he wants her to do things for him. He's thinking, "Actions speak louder than cheap words. My doing things for her should be all the proof of my love she needs."

They are disconnecting without knowing why. Neither is wrong. They're both right, but they need to understand each other so they can better connect.



Too often we give people what we'd want instead of what THEY want.

The Platinum Rule says to find out what THEY want.

Share with them what "does it" for you.



Gary Chapman's book, The Five Love Languages, talks about what makes people feel loved. He breaks it down into five main Love Languages:

  1. Words of Affirmation - encouragement and support given verbally, for some people it counts more if it's said front of other people.
  2. Quality Time -  time for just the two of you to do things you both enjoy together.
  3. Receiving Gifts - free or costly, it's the thought that makes it feel good.
  4. Acts of Service - your lover doing things for you, like opening the car door, cooking, or help with fixing or building things.
  5. Physical Touch - can be holding hands, massage, stroking, sitting close together, sex. Men, sex may give you all the touch you need, but women usually want lots of touch before during, after, and outside of the sex act, too.

We recommend that you talk about it if you can't tell what your own and your partner's Love Languages are. Gary gives a test in his book if you still don't know.


LOVE LANGUAGE ACTIVITY: Always keep it light and playful. As soon as it becomes work, or you're trying to change anyone or make anything happen, you or your partner can become resistant.

Look at the list of Love Languages. Ask which your partner wants more of, and what would make them feel more loved.

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch

Ask your partner, "What's an ideal love partner?" Listen and read between the lines as they describe their love language and love sense to you.


Love Senses


Now let's look at the Love Senses (of the five physical senses) that you each favor. Your love sense is the sensory communication channel that evokes the strongest emotions and responses in you.

We do and say many nice things to our partner, and they're all great, but some things really float their boat, and other things just don't. Even if it makes no sense to me, even if it does nothing for me, I need to understand what "really does it" for my partner.

For instance my strongest love sense is touch--touching and being touched. I even love stroking a soft blanket, or my horses, and like to wear soft fabrics and avoid scratchy ones.


Men are traditionally more visual, and looking at his woman might be a man's biggest turn on, much more than touching her or being touched. You can begin to see how this could be a source of disconnection.


As you attune to your lover and begin to discover more and more of what gives both of you pleasure, you'll notice that everyone is turned on and finds pleasure in some things more than others. If you assume they're turned on by the same things you are, there can be a disconnect. You and your lover may have completely different love senses, or you may share the same primary or secondary ones. It's ideal if you share the same ones, but as long as you're willing to please each other, it can work. You come to enjoy giving them what they want because their enthusiastic response is so exciting or gratifying to you.

Let's say moans (sounds) turn him on, and she doesn't make sounds in lovemaking. Or she may like to be told how beautiful she looks as he gazes into her eyes, and he never says it because he grew up uncomfortable being effusive. He thinks he's showing it by his actions, and what he does for her should be enough. But maybe she doesn't feel loved as much when he does things for her as when he says things to her.


She likes to go deep into sensation, and seeing distracts her, so she turns the lights out to make love. He likes to see, so that makes him feel unloved and frustrated. You can see how different preferences can confuse your partner or drive a wedge between you even though you love each other.


Find out what your partner's favorite Love Language and Love Senses are, and give them what they want, not what you'd want, or what you assume they want.


Again, the Platinum Rule is:

Treat your partner as they want to be treated,
not as YOU would want to be treated.

You get it back ten times when you give your partner what makes them feel loved. When you're both tuned in and your hearts are open there's a spiral, a vortex of giving and receiving that adds up to way more than the sum of the parts. We'll have many heart opening activities later on.


Getting lots of love in your preferred love sense gives you a feeling of being satiated, filled, overflowing. It's like filling up your gas tank. If you're not getting it, you may eventually feel like you're running on fumes in the relationship. You might feel like you're starving even though you are getting plenty of "sex" or other relationship things.


Yet most people don't even know their own love sense, so they can't tell you.

Here are the Love Senses:

  1. Touch - sometimes called the kinesthetic sense. It's touching or being touched, feeling skin on skin, and different kinds of textures, temperatures, and pressures. You can use hands, feet, faces, noses, tongues, teeth, arms, legs, fabrics, feathers, or your whole torso to give and receive touch. Touching during non-sexual times is highly important for women. She knows for sure you love her if you're not giving it just in order to get sex.
  2. Seeing - the visual sense. You can gaze at the body, into each others' eyes. He can have her stand while he scans her entire face and body and takes it in, use mirrors, costumes, sarongs, lingerie, set scenes, use creative lighting, or even body paint enhance the visuals. Women, dressing or undressing slowly for a visual man is a gift to him.
  3. Hearing - the auditory sense. You can whisper, growl, purr, murmur, talk, demand, order, beg, plead, suggest, coo, squeal, laugh, giggle, tease, or groan your expressiveness. Too much talk can distract people who are, for example, wanting to focus on body and sensation.
  4. Smell - the olfactory sense. We're all unconsciously attracted or repelled by scents. You can love their online profile, but if they don't smell right when you meet, forget it! If scent is very important to you, make it a part of your pre-love-making preparation. Find scents your partner is attracted to, or know if your partner is in love with your natural body scent. Always be clean, and floss and brush teeth and tongue so you have fresh breath.
  5. Taste - you are actually tasting your partner when you kiss, or lick their body. It's like tasting food. You can play with taste by biting, licking, nibbling, chewing on, nipping or sucking a lip or any body part, or by introducing food and feeding each other into your play. You can use flavored creams and oils. Ideally your natural flavor turns your partner on. Hygiene is important here too.

NOTE: People who are very intellectual or "stuck in their head" may not be in their senses at first. This course will transform that. We must get out of our heads and fantasies and into our bodies to experience completely fulfilling cosmic sex.

People interpret receiving in their own love sense as being loved. And they can unfortunately interpret not getting that as not being loved. Give them what they crave.

We may love all the senses and want it all, although one sense may be strongest and most delicious for us.

Input from some senses make us feel more loved than others. Example: He may keep pulling away from her to see her better, but she is craving touch! That's a disconnect! She doesn't feel loved. She gets frustrated.

Let's say you like little nibbles, so it never occurs to you that he'd like you to bite on his neck firmly. He may not even know he likes this until you experiment. One woman found out her lover enjoyed her biting his face all over. He never knew he'd like this either. Find out. Find out by trial and error: how hard, how soft, when? Escalate slowly and ask him to "say when" and for how long. It often shocks and surprises you if it's very different than what you would want. One woman found her lover loved having his hair pulled hard. No matter how hard she pulled, it didn't hurt him--it felt good.

She may like your cool hands on her face, or your hot hand just cupping her mound and not moving. Did you know that cupping her mound with no movement can be orgasmic to a sensitive woman? Rub your hands together vigorously first to get them hot. You'll be surprised at how many things movies and books showed you that were totally off, and what they never showed you that is ecstatic. You'll find that your concepts of sex have been shaped by relatively distorted media and societal information.

Some people are so sensitive to one love sense that distraction in that channel jars them out of the moment. For instance, for someone who's extremely sensitive to auditory stimulation, a harsh voice, the wrong words, a phone ringing, or a distracting song can turn her off momentarily. Take phones off the hook, put on music that you already know resonates with her, and talk or whisper the way you've found that's pleasing to her.

Within each sense is a range of possibilities for what kind or intensity of touch, sights, sounds, words, scents, and tastes you each prefer. He may like the scent of sweat, or a clean perfumy smell, or both. She may like super soft touch most of the time, but later on she enjoys being squeezed firmly. Or she may like all kinds of touch alternating back and forth for contrast. She may like his rough beard or prefer that he shaves it for a smooth face.

Use your Feedback Loop. Develop it constantly while having fun!

Try things and notice his or her response... or lack of.




Ask each other questions like this to find their favorite Love Sense. Do it in a light, sexy, relaxed way, in a playful exploratory attitude, sitting on the sofa or out in nature:

  • "Do certain things turn you on, or off?"
  • "Does seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling certain things turn you on more than other senses?"
  • "What's your favorite scent?"
  • "What kinds of touch turn you on?"
  • "Which of the Love Senses most makes you feel loved or cared for?"

Don't worry, we're going to go far beyond words, but this is an easy, non-sexual way to show you care about each other's needs.

A later module will teach you Love Styles.



Demonstrate your appreciation
in your lover's preferred love sense:
Is it words, sounds, touches, scents,
sights, smells?


By the end of this course you'll align with your partner and soar to states of oneness where the distinction between the two of you virtually melts. The Feedback Loop is most vital in foreplay, and at the early stages of arousal, since women usually need more arousal and coaxing to get ready than men. After that, the union takes on an energy of its own.

Once you have momentum on your side the body takes over. But you can still lose the connection again if you go unconscious, get mechanical, and aren't present with your partner. The minute you go into a routine, on autopilot, into your own head, or into a fantasy your partner is not sharing with you, your partner will feel the energetic disconnect.

In conventional sex you'd try to amp it up, rub harder, and force it with more intensity.

In tantric sex we simply get present and connected again and voila!


Don't ignore the disconnect and proceed on autopilot.

You can't override lack of energy alignment with action!

Women, if you lose connection, say, "I'm suddenly feeling disconnected. Let's feel back into each other, I don't want to go on without connection." Anytime you keep letting your partner do something that does not feel good to you, you are training your partner to do things that don't work. One day you'll just have to face up to it and say something, and if you've waited too long, your partner will feel you changed the rules. The truth is, you weren't true to yourself, and not truthful with him.

Women benefit from developing their Feedback Loop too. When a man who is a very good kisser kisses you, follow his rhythm and match his lips with yours. Follow as a dance partner follows, not pushing into him too much (lean back and let him lead) but blend with his movements. Go with his flow and soften your lips to melt with his rather than trying to "do something back to him" at first.


If you need to teach him to kiss in a way that you enjoy, or help him blend with you as you've blended with him, soften into it when he does something you like, and slightly pull back or stop moving when he does things you don't like. If he has any Feedback Loop, he'll get this.

Lead him non-verbally first and see if he gets it, before saying anything. Take his face gently in your hands and nudge him to the angle you want, very gently close or open his jaw a bit, and just hold your lips to his very still for a moment until he calms down and aligns with you and gets present. Then very slowly begin to move the way you want to move, demonstrating the  rhythm that turns you on.

If a partner doesn't get it non-verbally, you could whisper, "It would feel so good to me if you'd soften your lips for me, lover," in a sexy voice. Or, "It feels so much better to me when your tongue is soft and fat rather than pointy and hard."

Then when he does something that feels good to you, give him some non-verbal feedback like melting into him, letting your knees buckle, and purring, "Mmmmmm!!!"

If he goes on autopilot in a way you don't like, pull back slightly, get still, smile seductively, and very sweetly start over. Repeat until he takes your gentle lead, then melt and smile.

Women, you should not fake a response to impress him, please him, make him feel good, or win him. It is primarily the masculine partner's job to win and please you. Check your self esteem if you persist in wanting to please or win a man who is ignoring your desires, or doesn't fulfill you.


If it's not working for you, or is mechanical and unconscious, stop, and start again.

If you go along with it now just to be pleasing to HIM,
you will be sorry later, because he will keep doing it.


Softening the lips is one of the great keys to good kissing. Tight or firm lips don't blend together very well and they don't "taste good." Wide open mouths that leave big empty spaces for long periods of time also inhibit connection. It feels disconnected. Keep solid, soft contact with as many surfaces of your lover's mouth and tongue and body as you can. Vary it of course. Don't get into a kissing routine or pattern. Much more on this juicy topic later!


Stay awake and responsive and alive. Get out of your head and be present with your partner. Then you're in the flow.



Women: Feminine Yielding/Melting

This one key is so powerful, I want you to begin to enjoy it now, and we'll give you many more later. This course guides you step by delicious step into the juiciest, most fulfilling sex you ever had, and none of this was ever taught to us (actually we were trained out of it.)

Women are over-masculinized in our society. Without realizing it, we've been taught by culture and especially media to be too aggressive, hungry, and masculine in bed. Music videos have women grinding into men's crotches, trying far too hard, and the men barely care. They never take those women seriously in real life. We've been taught that's what a hot, sexy woman is. Unconsciously, men feel this discord, but they don't realize what they're feeling, and it's deeply disturbing to them, but they still want the sex.

Men respond like crazy when you re-feminize yourself. This is just ONE way you'll learn to do this:

Women, when you're kissing, making out, or he's inside you:

  • Arch your back so that your hips angle back away from him just a bit, as you push your breasts into him.
  • Project energy into his chest through your breasts. Imagine golden light flowing from your breasts to his chest. Put all your sex energy into your breasts (even those with a mastectomy still have the energy of breasts there.)
  • Don't push your hips into him AT ALL. Don't grind on him, let him do that. It may be unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first, but you will come to experience the bliss of not doing anything, but letting him do to you, while you writhe with sheer pleasure, in 100% receptivity. Your receptivity will thrill him to his core even as it awakens a deep femininity in you that will bring you the greatest bliss you've felt.
  • Don't push your mouth into his AT ALL. Let him kiss you. You JUST MELT INTO him, and match him in a totally receptive, soft-lipped, feminine response.
  • Let him come towards you with his mouth and his hips. Be RECEPTIVE with your mouth and hips, and exquisitely RESPONSIVE, matching him, but not active or hungry or agressive. Pull BACK a few millimeters to give him that unbelievably primal, pleasurable feeling of BEING THE MAN, the one coming after YOU.
  • Keep your consciousness always focused somewhat in your BREASTS as well as your vagina. BE YOUR BREASTS. Your breasts are the positive pole of the magnet in you--that's why you don't want to put too much proactive energy and focus in your vagina. Your breasts overflow energy into your vagina, your vagina just responds. He will feed energy into your vagina. Your vagina will just respond to him and RECEIVE HIS ENERGY.
  • This will heat him up so much you will need to ask him to be still periodically while you breathe deeply, sipping breaths of air up to your crown to move the energy up. He will follow you energetically. MUCH more on this in the course.




Authentic Responses

If he's reading you well, reward him by yielding to him even more. It's a very sexy thing to do. Every cell in his biological being responds to this, even though he will probably not consciously register what's going on.

How do you yield? Think to yourself, "My job is just to let him do unto me. Receive him." Soften your demeanor, your lips, and your entire body, and let your body relax and respond rather than try to lead, give, push, or do.


Women, to be your full feminine self, let him do the leading, giving, and doing.
You just be, allow, and receive.


Rather than pressing equally back to him to meet his lips or body, try this: actually let him do all the pushing on your lips or body. As he presses, let yourself melt and be pushed back a bit. Feel how delicious it is to yield. Soften to the point where you feel like you're going to melt and fall backward or slide down to the floor if you're standing up. Let your knees almost go weak. This will turn both of you on at a primal level.


Women: Let your knees go weak,
your wrists go limp, and your jaw relax.



Always express pleasure when it feels good, and give a neutral, flat, or no-response when you don't. Literally move your body away if something feels bad or is going in a direction you don't want to encourage. Slowly move his hands where you want them, or show him how to touch you.

Lead him gently again and again until he understands what you're asking for. Later we'll talk about how to ask verbally.


Give him non-verbal appreciation with sounds,
smiles, moans, and squeezes.



Kissing is a preview of the rest of your lovemaking. The connectivity of your kissing sets you up for connecting in other ways. Delay touching each others' genitals until you have an energy connection. Foreplay sets a tone, a rhythm, and an emotional, energetic connection. With a new person, you could spend days just kissing to get in alignment.

Give a chance for them to adjust if you're new partners, because most people have gotten into a routine and need a little time to break old, ingrained habits. Say something early on in the relationship if you want adjustments and change--it's your best opportunity.

Women have classically been conditioned and socialized to notice and attend to the needs of others more than men have, and this often happe

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There's no need to go digging for issues. What we've not embraced in ourselves comes to find us in the guise of people and events - and all there is to do is to welcome it and say, Hello, rejected facet of me; come, sit with me."
Lola Jones