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The Art of Love and Sex - Tantra
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The Art Of Love And Sex Tantric Online Course
Welcome To Module 1
Embrace, by Lola Jones. All original art by Lola Jones can be ordered in any size print.
Have you always longed for more than "just sex?"
More intimate, ecstatic, whole-being sex that propels your spiritual life?
Something playful and deep you can share with your partner while deepening your relationship forever?
Well, you are here.
The intensity level and explicitness
of this Tantric retreat increases gradually after we
build an easy foundation.
What Is the Art of Love and Sex?
2. Tantric sex is based on energy, connection, love, and presence, and is long-term sustainable. Tantric sex is "no-mind" sex that allows the bodies' own innate intelligence to take over, leading to an ever-deepening connection between partners. Tantra cultivates sensitivity, quality, and pleasure that only gets better over time. Sex becomes a profound and satisfying deep meditation. It is not goal-oriented. The increased depth and intensity of the pleasure on the way makes you forget about the goal of orgasm, although orgasms can reach cosmic proportions without effort.
Women, you will find a fulfillment you've never before experienced as your man fills you body, mind, and soul in a way you've deeply longed for, but never knew exactly how to get there, or even how to ask.
"Heaven is right here on earth."
There are no downsides to tantric sex whatsoever.
Tantric sex is not a set of techniques.
It's a pleasurable way of BEing.
"Found a new pleasure practice while driving to work today...
I've been having breathing orgasms... moaning my way to work. Thank God I'm not travelling collective by bus. Would be a a lot of turning heads for sure." Carina, Sweden
Yes, your body already knows how to have Tantric sex, but we have to get the conditioned and controlling mind and your history out of the way. Just like with Divine Openings, this course is more about unlearning old artificial ways, shedding limiting patterns and beliefs, letting go of cultural and childhood conditioning, and returning to your body's deepest wisdom than it is about learning something "new".
It will feel new--you will feel new--but it will be in alignment with what your deepest self always knew.
Your body already knows how to have Tantric sex.
You'll learn to listen to it again.
If you're single, do all the activities solo, focusing on you. The highest tantric experiences can be had all by yourself.
Or let this retreat help you "get ready," align the energy, and savor the wating for the Tantric bliss that's in store for you when you attract your wonderful Tantric partner. It's so much easier to begin a new relationship the way you want it from the start, although if your current partner is willing, you can transform that relationship quite quickly by slowly and gently introducing Tantric sex and letting them experience for themselves how good it feels.
You'll gain insight into past partnerships in the light of what you experience here, and know how you want to create future relationships. Move completely beyond past relationship limitations into wholly new Tantric sex possibilities for deeper enlightenment and expansion.
The whole banquet lies before you.
- There's blissful energy and connection rather than just bodies rubbing together.
- Age, looks, penis size and hardness, or vaginal size and tightness don't matter at all.
- Erectile dysfunction or physical disability don't matter.
- Making love lights both of you up, heals, and rejuvenates you.
- Your passion naturally grows deeper and sex gets more interesting as the years go by. You don't get bored with your partner--ever! There's no need for kinkiness, 50 shades of gray, or novelty.
This online course is private, tasteful, high vibration, deeply spiritual, direct, real, and practical. It covers both conventional sex and tantric sex, although you can tell we favor tantric sex.
Tantric sex expands your ecstasy, opens your heart, nourishes your spirit, fulfills, and thrills you beyond imagining. It bonds you and your lover ever more deeply as it accelerates your spiritual awakening and evolution.
Imagine how it will feel to live into each of these...
- Enjoy all types of female orgasms: peak, valley, clitoral, G spot, vaginal, female ejaculation.
- Female ejaculation, water flow, amrita, the waterfall, or "dolphin water" for women.
- Men enjoy sex longer without unintended orgasm, and get the great feeling of pleasing her more, while having more energy.
- Take the tension and performance anxiety out of sex for both of you.
- If you're single, prepare yourself to attract that Divine Tantric partner, and discover ways to attract that partner without effort.
- How the penis and vagina communicate electromagnetically to restore and recharge each other.
- Tantric sex as meditation, spiritual awakening.
- Sexual communion as part of your spiritual path, taking you higher than you've ever been.
- Achieve true intimacy, thus more pleasurable and meaningful sex.
- Have loving, mind-blowing, cosmic sex.
- Avoid routine, boredom, and relationship burnout.
- Communicate with your partner in and out of the bedroom.
Have you wondered how to do these?
- Have him fulfill your deepest desires.
- Make her more eager for sex, open and receptive to you like never before.
- Increase intensity and pleasure without needing to get kinkier or weirder.
- Experience sex as a meditation or have a cosmic experience.
- Know what's juicing up or hurting your sex life.
- Remove pleasure limits.
- Extend pleasure before, during, and after orgasms. We know it sounds impossible, but you can have tantric sex for hours with no fatigue or boredom.
- Tantric extended valley orgasm for both men and women.
- Feel your body more, and intensify your sensations.
- Communicate your desires and dislikes.
- Use hypnotic language.
- The art of self-pleasuring--for its own sake and as a means to enhance Tantric lovemaking with your Beloved.
- Be turned on all during your normal day.
- Learn how sex and money are related.
- Use animal urges, or transmute them into Divine Tantric communion.
- Do a lap dance or exotic seduction.
- How to be sexily selfish.
- Hundreds of Tantric activities.
- Orgasm with only energy and intention.
- Erotic Tantric massage for men and women.
- How the way we learned about sexuality (porn, Hollywood, TV, peers, parents, media) have conditioned us in ways that limit, and how to remedy that.
- How to lose yourself in Tantric lovemaking and then find your center again so you don't become too enmeshed or dependent.
- The difference between force and power in sex play.
- How to use role play, costumes, love names and identities, sex talk, and other dramatic elements deliberately and without embarrassment.
- Feel more deeply and increase your sensitivity for more pleasure, rather than always having to turn up the stimulation.
- Fun things to try, or not--there aren't any rules or musts in the Divine Openings Tantra online retreat.
- Be more present in the moment, a prime element of Tantric sex that will transfer to your work life.
- How women can get over how they look, shame, history, rape, or any issue through lovemaking.
- Using sex to restore, heal, energize, and rejuvenate each other.
- Lose inhibitions and open the heart, for greater ability to give and receive.
- Classic elements of masculine and feminine and using both to heighten your Tantric sex and love experience.
Now you can...
- Know your Love Language, Love Sense, and Love Style, and your partner's.
- Move beyond issues like fear of intimacy, unworthiness, numbness, fear, anger.
- Develop a Feedback Loop to be a spectacular Tantric lover.
- Chant your way into ecstatic Tantric states.
- Use music to deepen your ecstasy.
- Turn off the brain and let the body's wisdom lead.
- Experience the beauty of age and how to make love at any age without loss of sensation or satisfaction.
- Learn how to use lubrication, natural and otherwise.
- Set the scene for love.
- Awaken and adore the Goddess in her, the God in him.
- Handle the ebb and flow of sexual desire or erections.
- Deal with "issues" that come up with this level of intimacy, depth, and intensity.
- Soon be done with "issues" so your sex life becomes pure play, pleasure, connection, and Tantric creative self expression.
- Re-ignite sexuality and rejuvenate a relationship.
We continually add exciting new things to the course.
We're excited to share with you this video about women reclaiming their feminine power. It was recorded live after a retreat in the U.K. It starts serious, then Lola gets really funny and interactive. Enjoy!
"I LOVE the Love and Sex course!!! Finally had the perfect time for the feeding exercise this weekend and we both melted away... Have you seen the movie Ratatouille? The rat tastes food and combines them and you can see the flavours as colour explosions - well that is what it was like for us. We had our eyes closed so didn't know what the other one would feed you and it was the most delicious experience. When you are so fully in the moment EVERYTHING is delicious. I love all these playful, simple exercises to heighten the senses! They not only relax me in a profound way, they affect my whole day on many levels. Bringing me back to the moment, savouring my present luxuries even more consciously, deepening the bond between my husband and me in a deep, unspectacular and wonderful way... so good. I am savouring the path to the "juicy" parts LOL Thank you!!!" Gabriele, Europe
"My sex life is now completely, amazingly better than before this course. It is astounding how much I opened up. I still haven't finished this course because there's so much in it, and it gets so intense I need to take a break to get ready to let more in. The most profound thing of many things I got is that "I create it, not the other person." The other person just has to be reasonably on my wavelength for it to be great." K, Texas
One tuition admits one single person or a couple, and you share the same login (for this course ONLY.) In other courses, each person has their own login.
Learn more and register
The energy foundation for this course comes from reading Lola Jones's book, Things Are Going Great In My Absence. Get the book too for best results.
- It's spiritual and physical bliss.
- It's about love, presence, consciousness, awareness, and being--unlike conventional sex that is all about thinking, fantasy, action, and doing.
- You slow everything down, so you can feel more of the exquisite subtlety that moving too fast causes us to miss.
- You're in the moment, feeling what's happening now, in a way you've never been before.
- You relax more deeply than you knew was possible, and lose the sense of effort. (Effort is counterproductive.)
- No chasing orgasm, seeking anything, or goals--you relax into the now and enjoy the ride.
- You let go to the flow rather than make anything happen. It's not work, it's play and pleasure.
- The most blissful experiences are found deep in the quiet and stillness of the Void.
- It's a heightened state of being that you live in.
- You get out of the way and let something larger than your mind take over, and dive deep into the ecstasy and wisdom of the body. Your body will surprise you with what it knows.
|Conventional Life & Conventional Sex||Divine Openings Life & Tantric Sex|
|Tensed, fast...HOT||Relaxed, slow...COOL|
|Physical||Energy, connection, vibration|
|Work at it||Relax and allow it to constantly get better|
|Action, effort, strain, push||Energy alignment before action, then allow natural unfolding|
|Unconscious, habitual, auto-pilot||Aware, conscious, deliberate, non-habitual|
|Conditioning from the past||Natural, fresh, new every time|
|Mental (fantasy) in your head||Body wisdom, sensual, feeling, loving|
|Goal focused, "get somewhere"||Enjoy the ride, extend it!|
|FUTURE/PAST plays into it||NOW is all that matters, you're fully present here in the body|
|You get desensitized and feel less over time||You get sensitized and feel more over time|
|Outer focused: looks, technique, superficial||Inner focused: deep, meditative, authentic|
|Small self||Large Self|
|Drains energy for the man||Restorative to both, builds energy|
|Orgasm as an EVENT that lasts a few seconds||Orgasmic as a long-lasting STATE|
|Requires a partner||Self-ecstatic potential, solo|
How It Will Go
If you've experienced Divine Openings, you're already familiar with the transformations that occur just from the energy and Grace of Divine Openings. If you haven't yet experienced Divine Openings you may think we're making unrealistic claims, so we highly recommend that you experience the book, Things Are Going Great In My Absence.
Enhancing Your Feedback Loop -- Tuning In To Your Partner
If there is one single thing that makes the most difference in lovemaking artistry, it’s your Feedback Loop, your sensitivity. It's your moment-to-moment reading of your partner. It's being fully present, not in your head or fantasies, but in your body. Both sexes benefit from this, but men usually have to cultivate awareness of this more. The book helps tremendously with that.
Better "technique" will never replace being finely, energetically tuned into your partner. Tantra isn't about technique, it's about getting tuned in! It's not about doing it better--it's about connecting and feeling more.
It's not what you do--it's HOW you do it.
And once you know each other's favorite Love Language, Love Sense, and Love Style, also covered in this course, and do the sensitizing activities, your Feedback Loop will become ever more finely tuned.
Since man is the leader, the positive pole of the polarity, it is absolutely vital for a man to improve his Feedback Loop. This course and Divine Openings will guide him to the high self esteem he needs to be able to tap into her and feel whether she's responding to his touch--or not. Tantra will enable him to tune out his own thoughts, work concerns, and preoccupations of performance, to be 100% present, to get out of his head and fully into his body, his hands, his penis, his senses. If we are actually so preocuppied with our own feelings and sensations, or other life concerns, we're not tuned into our partner, and have no idea if our touches feel good to them or not. We can barely feel ourselves.
When a person has a great Feedback Loop, they notice their partner's most minute responses, and they adjust in the flow of it. If she was responding great, but is suddenly not, he's so in tune he notices and responds, gets more present to her, changes his touch, rhythm, or timing until her response rises again. He constantly adjusts for her ever-increasing pleasure.
He softens his touch, slows down his caresses, softens his lips. He stops, looks into her eyes, pulls her closer, or reaches into his heart, then speaks words of love. He continues to adapt to her responses and continues to build the connection. He finds her flow. She does the same.
Synchronize Your Breathing
- Lie down on your sides on the bed with your partner and hold each other, eyes closed. Breathe deeply in and out through the nose, expanding the belly (not the chest) then slowly begin to synchronize your breathing.
- Feel through any feeling that arises and go for ten to fifteen minutes. The pleasure is delicious.
- Deep breathing gets you naturally high. Causes feelings of bliss within ten minutes.
- Notice the degree to which you were previously not breathing deeply.
- It literally, physically gets you both on the same wavelength and in a meditative state. How fun! Sex will become a part of your meditation practice.
- It gets you fully in your body. Scan down your body. Become aware of the degree to which you'd been in your head and not in your body.
- Best of all: the more often you do this, the more you begin to associate that pleasure with your partner. It builds or regenerates deep feelings of pleasure about your partner. If you're not newlyweds anymore, you may have come to associate your partner with not-so-pleasurable things. You may not realize how you look at our spouse and instantly (but unconsciously) feel feelings associated with housework, bills, past arguments, and duties like diaper changing!
Now you can increase the intensity after you've done it a few times lying down.
- Sit facing each other cross legged on the sofa, knee to knee.
- Suggest to your partner that you each close your eyes and center your focus within for the first five minutes or longer.
- Then open your eyes slightly, and keeping your focus inward, softly include your partner in your gaze. Let them come INTO YOU through your eyes rather than reaching OUT to see them.
- Synchronize your breathing, and continue for ten to fifteen minutes.
- Notice if you want to stop or look away. Looking away or breaking away from the synchronized breathing are subconscious fear of intimacy. Don't judge this, don't worry, don't make it wrong--just gently breathe through those feelings. Gently allow yourself to face and feel the discomfort consciously, and bliss will come more each time you do this.
Exquisite Sensory Sensitivity
Take turns doing this. Singles, I've done this by myself and it opened surprising doors for me in being my more feminine self!
When I was in Florence, Italy, I found the hands of the statue of David to be a most sensual and erotic sight. Hands are for giving and receiving pleasure and gifts.
You can do this to yourself if you're single.
Couples, take 15 minute turns doing this. Decide who is the first giver of touch. Don't touch each other at the same time in this exercise.
Sit fully clothed with your partner.
Decide who is adored first. No matter how long you've known each other, imagine this is your first ever sensual touch with a partner.
Slowly and softly touch one fingertip to the top of your partner's finger, paying total attention to the sensation in your own hand, your own body. Vary the touch, focusing on how good it feels to your own fingertip.
Look at their face to get feedback, then look at their hand. Focus on your own deep, slow, easy belly breathing to stay in your body and senses and out of your head.
Make it like a meditation--no thinking!
Then lightly stroke their hand. Really look at their hand. Trace the veins and notice the hairs, scars, moles, and skin. Turn the hand over and touch the palm with feather lightness. Focus on your breathing and let it be a relaxing meditation.
Eventually take the hand in both your hands, bring it slowly to your lips, and brush it with your lips. Adore the whole person through that hand. Have a sensual experience through that hand, as in the old courtly love rituals--they had the most romantic ecstasy without sex!
Be 100% present in your hands. Be in total appreciation and enjoyment of THIS MOMENT. You're expanding your sensitivity and your Feedback Loop. Sex will be better for it.
If you feel rushed or anxious, slow down, breathe through that feeling till it rises up the Instrument Panel. Don't touch anywhere else until you have experienced both their hands in a whole new way, and you sense they want more. Or it can end right there.
Change who's the toucher or reciever.
- As you the giver touch your partner's arm, leg, neck, or face: BE your hand, feeling them through your hand. Then stop and breathe for twenty seconds or so, giving it a complete rest from the intense sensation, and let their nerve endings rest. Experience the contrast of movement and stillness.
Do it without any goal. Later you can use it to take your partner to new heights.
Your partner can always feel it if you're on autopilot, "just rubbing," doing repetitive unconscious motions, or otherwise not present with you 100%. Slooooooooow way down, and stay conscious of each.... touch.... and each.... sensation.
- While giving your partner any kind of touch or kiss, play with occasionally being still. There is a "sensation fatigue" threshhold that's different for each person. Some people go numb to any repetitious touch very quickly. For some people, especially women, repetitious touch actually becomes annoying and unpleasant, but she may be so accustomed to enduring unconscious, unpleasant touch, she doesn't even know it! Or she may be afraid to risk letting her feelings be known.
Let this fun activity be a jumping off point for inspired new ideas or lovemaking if you're both ready.
ACTIVITY -- Conscious Kissing:
Don't touch genitals or sexual parts in this game. When it's over, you can then if you both want to.
- Close your eyes and go within, keeping your awareness inside yourself, but INCLUDE your partner in your awareness. You stay "home in your body."
- Kiss. As you slooooowly kiss your partner BE your lips, for a solid five minutes.
and absent-mindedly "doing"
and being awake and present to every touch.
- When you first encounter each other after your workday, take your lover's face in your hands and just gaze with an appreciative or relaxed expression and speak no words. This is so much more soothing than launching into talking about how your day was. Slow yourself down and get in intimate communion, so your evening is more connected no matter what you do.
Make a practice of gazing at each other often without having to talk. It's incredibly intimate when you're not distracting yourself with talk. Talk can DECREASE INTIMACY!
The Platinum Rule
and giving them what you'd want to be given (as in the Golden Rule),
the Platinum Rule is to treat others as they want to be treated
and give them what they want to be given.
What's Your Favorite Love Language, and Love Sense?
Having different Love Languages and Love Senses than your partner can get in the way of connection until you learn each other's styles. What turns one on may do nothing for the other partner.
In the early courting phase, hormones, newness, and excitement overshadow everything, but later you may notice that your partner doesn't naturally or often do the things that make you feel most loved.
Once you know what makes each other feel loved, you can both make a point of doing or saying those things.
Do you REALLY know what floats your partner's emotional boat,
lights her candle, rings his bell most?
Let's say a man interprets doing things for his partner as love, so he does lots of practical things for her, and brings home all his money, yet she still doesn't feel loved. She feels love most when he says supportive things, but the things he does for her don't turn her on.
She says lots of supportive things to him because that's what she'd want, but he's not feeling the love from that--he wants her to do things for him. He's thinking, "Actions speak louder than cheap words. My doing things for her should be all the proof of my love she needs."
- Words of Affirmation - encouragement and support given verbally, for some people it counts more if it's said front of other people.
- Quality Time - time for just the two of you to do things you both enjoy together.
- Receiving Gifts - free or costly, it's the thought that makes it feel good.
- Acts of Service - your lover doing things for you, like opening the car door, cooking, or help with fixing or building things.
- Physical Touch - can be holding hands, massage, stroking, sitting close together, sex. Men, sex may give you all the touch you need, but women usually want lots of touch before during, after, and outside of the sex act, too.
We recommend that you talk about it if you can't tell what your own and your partner's Love Languages are. Gary gives a test in his book if you still don't know.
LOVE LANGUAGE ACTIVITY: Always keep it light and playful. As soon as it becomes work, or you're trying to change anyone or make anything happen, you or your partner can become resistant.
Look at the list of Love Languages. Ask which your partner wants more of, and what would make them feel more loved.
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Ask your partner, "What's an ideal love partner?" Listen and read between the lines as they describe their love language and love sense to you.
We do and say many nice things to our partner, and they're all great, but some things really float their boat, and other things just don't. Even if it makes no sense to me, even if it does nothing for me, I need to understand what "really does it" for my partner.
As you attune to your lover and begin to discover more and more of what gives both of you pleasure, you'll notice that everyone is turned on and finds pleasure in some things more than others. If you assume they're turned on by the same things you are, there can be a disconnect. You and your lover may have completely different love senses, or you may share the same primary or secondary ones. It's ideal if you share the same ones, but as long as you're willing to please each other, it can work. You come to enjoy giving them what they want because their enthusiastic response is so exciting or gratifying to you.
not as YOU would want to be treated.
You get it back ten times when you give your partner what makes them feel loved. When you're both tuned in and your hearts are open there's a spiral, a vortex of giving and receiving that adds up to way more than the sum of the parts. We'll have many heart opening activities later on.
Here are the Love Senses:
- Touch - sometimes called the kinesthetic sense. It's touching or being touched, feeling skin on skin, and different kinds of textures, temperatures, and pressures. You can use hands, feet, faces, noses, tongues, teeth, arms, legs, fabrics, feathers, or your whole torso to give and receive touch. Touching during non-sexual times is highly important for women. She knows for sure you love her if you're not giving it just in order to get sex.
- Seeing - the visual sense. You can gaze at the body, into each others' eyes. He can have her stand while he scans her entire face and body and takes it in, use mirrors, costumes, sarongs, lingerie, set scenes, use creative lighting, or even body paint enhance the visuals. Women, dressing or undressing slowly for a visual man is a gift to him.
- Hearing - the auditory sense. You can whisper, growl, purr, murmur, talk, demand, order, beg, plead, suggest, coo, squeal, laugh, giggle, tease, or groan your expressiveness. Too much talk can distract people who are, for example, wanting to focus on body and sensation.
- Smell - the olfactory sense. We're all unconsciously attracted or repelled by scents. You can love their online profile, but if they don't smell right when you meet, forget it! If scent is very important to you, make it a part of your pre-love-making preparation. Find scents your partner is attracted to, or know if your partner is in love with your natural body scent. Always be clean, and floss and brush teeth and tongue so you have fresh breath.
- Taste - you are actually tasting your partner when you kiss, or lick their body. It's like tasting food. You can play with taste by biting, licking, nibbling, chewing on, nipping or sucking a lip or any body part, or by introducing food and feeding each other into your play. You can use flavored creams and oils. Ideally your natural flavor turns your partner on. Hygiene is important here too.
People interpret receiving in their own love sense as being loved. And they can unfortunately interpret not getting that as not being loved. Give them what they crave.
Let's say you like little nibbles, so it never occurs to you that he'd like you to bite on his neck firmly. He may not even know he likes this until you experiment. One woman found out her lover enjoyed her biting his face all over. He never knew he'd like this either. Find out. Find out by trial and error: how hard, how soft, when? Escalate slowly and ask him to "say when" and for how long. It often shocks and surprises you if it's very different than what you would want. One woman found her lover loved having his hair pulled hard. No matter how hard she pulled, it didn't hurt him--it felt good.
She may like your cool hands on her face, or your hot hand just cupping her mound and not moving. Did you know that cupping her mound with no movement can be orgasmic to a sensitive woman? Rub your hands together vigorously first to get them hot. You'll be surprised at how many things movies and books showed you that were totally off, and what they never showed you that is ecstatic. You'll find that your concepts of sex have been shaped by relatively distorted media and societal information.
Some people are so sensitive to one love sense that distraction in that channel jars them out of the moment. For instance, for someone who's extremely sensitive to auditory stimulation, a harsh voice, the wrong words, a phone ringing, or a distracting song can turn her off momentarily. Take phones off the hook, put on music that you already know resonates with her, and talk or whisper the way you've found that's pleasing to her.
Within each sense is a range of possibilities for what kind or intensity of touch, sights, sounds, words, scents, and tastes you each prefer. He may like the scent of sweat, or a clean perfumy smell, or both. She may like super soft touch most of the time, but later on she enjoys being squeezed firmly. Or she may like all kinds of touch alternating back and forth for contrast. She may like his rough beard or prefer that he shaves it for a smooth face.
LOVE SENSE ACTIVITY:
Ask each other questions like this to find their favorite Love Sense. Do it in a light, sexy, relaxed way, in a playful exploratory attitude, sitting on the sofa or out in nature:
- "Do certain things turn you on, or off?"
- "Does seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling certain things turn you on more than other senses?"
- "What's your favorite scent?"
- "What kinds of touch turn you on?"
- "Which of the Love Senses most makes you feel loved or cared for?"
Don't worry, we're going to go far beyond words, but this is an easy, non-sexual way to show you care about each other's needs.
A later module will teach you Love Styles.
Demonstrate your appreciation
in your lover's preferred love sense:
Is it words, sounds, touches, scents,
By the end of this course you'll align with your partner and soar to states of oneness where the distinction between the two of you virtually melts. The Feedback Loop is most vital in foreplay, and at the early stages of arousal, since women usually need more arousal and coaxing to get ready than men. After that, the union takes on an energy of its own.
Once you have momentum on your side the body takes over. But you can still lose the connection again if you go unconscious, get mechanical, and aren't present with your partner. The minute you go into a routine, on autopilot, into your own head, or into a fantasy your partner is not sharing with you, your partner will feel the energetic disconnect.
In conventional sex you'd try to amp it up, rub harder, and force it with more intensity.
Women, if you lose connection, say, "I'm suddenly feeling disconnected. Let's feel back into each other, I don't want to go on without connection." Anytime you keep letting your partner do something that does not feel good to you, you are training your partner to do things that don't work. One day you'll just have to face up to it and say something, and if you've waited too long, your partner will feel you changed the rules. The truth is, you weren't true to yourself, and not truthful with him.
Women benefit from developing their Feedback Loop too. When a man who is a very good kisser kisses you, follow his rhythm and match his lips with yours. Follow as a dance partner follows, not pushing into him too much (lean back and let him lead) but blend with his movements. Go with his flow and soften your lips to melt with his rather than trying to "do something back to him" at first.
Lead him non-verbally first and see if he gets it, before saying anything. Take his face gently in your hands and nudge him to the angle you want, very gently close or open his jaw a bit, and just hold your lips to his very still for a moment until he calms down and aligns with you and gets present. Then very slowly begin to move the way you want to move, demonstrating the rhythm that turns you on.
If a partner doesn't get it non-verbally, you could whisper, "It would feel so good to me if you'd soften your lips for me, lover," in a sexy voice. Or, "It feels so much better to me when your tongue is soft and fat rather than pointy and hard."
Then when he does something that feels good to you, give him some non-verbal feedback like melting into him, letting your knees buckle, and purring, "Mmmmmm!!!"
If he goes on autopilot in a way you don't like, pull back slightly, get still, smile seductively, and very sweetly start over. Repeat until he takes your gentle lead, then melt and smile.
Women, you should not fake a response to impress him, please him, make him feel good, or win him. It is primarily the masculine partner's job to win and please you. Check your self esteem if you persist in wanting to please or win a man who is ignoring your desires, or doesn't fulfill you.
If you go along with it now just to be pleasing to HIM,
you will be sorry later, because he will keep doing it.
Women: Feminine Yielding/Melting
This one key is so powerful, I want you to begin to enjoy it now, and we'll give you many more later. This course guides you step by delicious step into the juiciest, most fulfilling sex you ever had, and none of this was ever taught to us (actually we were trained out of it.)
Women are over-masculinized in our society. Without realizing it, we've been taught by culture and especially media to be too aggressive, hungry, and masculine in bed. Music videos have women grinding into men's crotches, trying far too hard, and the men barely care. They never take those women seriously in real life. We've been taught that's what a hot, sexy woman is. Unconsciously, men feel this discord, but they don't realize what they're feeling, and it's deeply disturbing to them, but they still want the sex.
Men respond like crazy when you re-feminize yourself. This is just ONE way you'll learn to do this:
Women, when you're kissing, making out, or he's inside you:
- Arch your back so that your hips angle back away from him just a bit, as you push your breasts into him.
- Project energy into his chest through your breasts. Imagine golden light flowing from your breasts to his chest. Put all your sex energy into your breasts (even those with a mastectomy still have the energy of breasts there.)
- Don't push your hips into him AT ALL. Don't grind on him, let him do that. It may be unfamiliar and uncomfortable at first, but you will come to experience the bliss of not doing anything, but letting him do to you, while you writhe with sheer pleasure, in 100% receptivity. Your receptivity will thrill him to his core even as it awakens a deep femininity in you that will bring you the greatest bliss you've felt.
- Don't push your mouth into his AT ALL. Let him kiss you. You JUST MELT INTO him, and match him in a totally receptive, soft-lipped, feminine response.
- Let him come towards you with his mouth and his hips. Be RECEPTIVE with your mouth and hips, and exquisitely RESPONSIVE, matching him, but not active or hungry or agressive. Pull BACK a few millimeters to give him that unbelievably primal, pleasurable feeling of BEING THE MAN, the one coming after YOU.
- Keep your consciousness always focused somewhat in your BREASTS as well as your vagina. BE YOUR BREASTS. Your breasts are the positive pole of the magnet in you--that's why you don't want to put too much proactive energy and focus in your vagina. Your breasts overflow energy into your vagina, your vagina just responds. He will feed energy into your vagina. Your vagina will just respond to him and RECEIVE HIS ENERGY.
- This will heat him up so much you will need to ask him to be still periodically while you breathe deeply, sipping breaths of air up to your crown to move the energy up. He will follow you energetically. MUCH more on this in the course.
If he's reading you well, reward him by yielding to him even more. It's a very sexy thing to do. Every cell in his biological being responds to this, even though he will probably not consciously register what's going on.
You just be, allow, and receive.
your wrists go limp, and your jaw relax.
Lead him gently again and again until he understands what you're asking for. Later we'll talk about how to ask verbally.
smiles, moans, and squeezes.
Give a chance for them to adjust if you're new partners, because most people have gotten into a routine and need a little time to break old, ingrained habits. Say something early on in the relationship if you want adjustments and change--it's your best opportunity.
Women have classically been conditioned and socialized to notice and attend to the needs of others more than men have, and this often happens at the expense of the woman's own needs. A woman does well to balance her needs with his. In other words, women, stay focused in your own body, and inhabit your own center, even as you feel around for what he enjoys.
I'm going to show you how to be selfish and turn him on even more by doing that.
If you attempt to over-exaggerate a positive response just to be pleasing to him when he's not really pleasing you, you're setting yourself up for dissatisfaction later on, and he will be hurt and confused. A woman should not be trying to win a man, or using sex to get him. Sex by itself simply doesn't lead to commitment. If you want commitment, ask more of him, show him how to please YOU, and let him win you.
Better to endure the discomfort of pulling back from him or saying no, which gives him accurate feedback. Let him fix it. Let him be uncomfortable! Let him gripe and try to get his way, but don't give in and forfeit your needs. Let him go away if necessary. Some time away for him to think might help, or he might not be good for you at all.
Winning the woman speaks to his deepest biological instincts, which he is probably not even aware of. Watch those TV nature shows where they female beast makes the male show her how worthy, strong, and persistent he is before she will let him have her. She makes sure he is strong and will please her before she commits.
and be won (female), and they're very arousing and satisfying.
Don't say, "You're doing it wrong." Men don't like being made wrong. (You don't like it either, but men are more sensitive to it.) Just don't respond as if it feels good if it doesn't, and respond with smiles, sounds, and movement that tell your lover when it does feel good. Be authentic.
Later in the course we'll get very specific about how to talk with each other.
The course has scores of other powerful but simple activities to increase intimacy and pleasure. It's all fun, not work. It's all about new ways to feel pleasure and have fun. We invite you along on the ride of a lifetime.
Day dream scenarios of getting your love needs met.
Feel how good that will feel.
If you can't imagine your current lover being that, imagine your "ideal lover" and daydream about it, so you're focused on what you do want. If your current lover decides not to evolve or is not meant for you, you will meet someone who fulfills your desires better.
We constanlty hear that singles attracted more sensual partners as they became more tuned into their own body, senses, and increased their own connection and sensitivity. People all around you can feel it.
Women, we'll give you simple non-sexual energy exercises you can do anywhere, even out in public and marvel at how men are drawn to you, without you "doing anything". And coupled women, it will draw your distant man back in without saying a word.
Couples, you'll attract more pleasing behaviors from your partner as you tune into your own body, your own senses, and YOUR OWN FEELINGS.
Forget about changing your partner and just experience them without stories or concepts as you focus on what you want. This is magic.
Tantric Online Retreat Course
One tuition admits one single person or a couple,
and you share the same login (for this course ONLY.)
- It's on the new 12 song collection: Watch Where You Point That Thing CD, or as an instant download. That's almost an hour of the most uplifting music out there.
Your First Tantric Initiation
~ A Tantric Divine Opening ~
Gaze at this art, then sit or lie down alone or with partner for at least 15 minutes.