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For Women Only

Guys, don't look at this page. Let her enjoy this page surprise you and play it out with you.

If you're a woman and have a female partner you can both watch this.

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More Just for Women


More videos and audios below.

Oral Sex

This can be a revelation. Give him oral sex with the attitude and intention of making it a meditation for yourself. No rush, no goal, pure pleasure in the present moment. Do it to connect and enjoy, not to excite. If you're very careful to extend the pleasure without bringing him to a peak, you can use this to help train him to last longer, and not ejaculate. You may actually cause him to have a full body orgasm with no ejaculation.

Use gentle and super smooth movements without trying to stimulate him, without trying to get him hard, and definitely with no intention of giving him an orgasm. Ask him to lie still, totally relaxed, and not push or squeeze his butt.

Focus on making it feel good to your own hands and mouth, as if you were kissing him, or eating a delicious ice cream. Make it feel good to him, but not so intensely that he ejaculates.

Avoid the conventional, unconscious, mechanical, rhythmic hand job motions most men have been conditioned to expect. It's desensitizing for both of you. You might give him a little of that here and there, but slow it waaaaay down and make it very conscious and attentive.

He might miss the old routine at first, but the rewards are so great he'll soon get over that. Once he gets used to extended pleasure, he'll prefer it.

Begin when he's soft. Let him know you love, value, and accept his penis, hard or soft. Treat it like a baby bird. This softens you and makes you more feminine and receptive. Women are masculinized by conventional sex.

Tell him it's a meditation for you. This attitude of meditation will allow you to do it for long periods of time without getting bored. Play with adoring his penis. It also resensitizes him and prepares him to move beyond conventional oral sex into tantra with you.

Most men find it too hard to let go of conventional sex all at once. So use something he loves, oral sex, to bring him along. And as always....

It's not what you do, it's how you do it.


Don't be surprised if you see colors and experience things you'd normally experience in meditation, because reality follows your intention, imagination, and energy.

It may take some time for him to become re-sensitized to his own subtle sensations, but that will happen with your tantra practices. Once he stops chasing orgam and slows down into the extended pleasure of the present moment, he will LOVE this. He will light up when you casually say as you lean down over him, "I need to meditate, okay?"

Put almond oil on his penis. Play with different ways to stroke him slowly.

If you want to make him come, toward the end, using generous amounts of almond oil, stroke slooooooowly up and down with one hand. On the downstroke, twist the head of his penis slowly and sensually as if you were unscrewing the top of a bottle. 

There's a section in the For Men Only page about giving you oral sex. You must tell him what feels good and what doesn't. The sooner the better. So much of what men have learned is so desensitizing to women that you must just be honest and tell him.



Learn how to allow your man to be a man and still be powerful in the relationship.

The audio

This video helps you speak in feeling terms, which helps you reclaim your feminine essence with your man, and restore and revitalize yourself in the process! It's fun too because it was recorded live at the end of a retreat in UK and the energy is super high!

Women if you feel fear in relationships or as a woman, this video session will melt it and help you use to to find your power.

Audios for Women:

Dating Wisdom for Women

Lightening The Body, Recharge Your Man

Being The Woman In Dating

Stop Overperforming, Reconstitute His Manhood 

Lola Jones - Flowering Her Femininity, Magnetizing Her Man


Woman's Role in Preventing Premature Ejaculation

A woman with a tense vagina contributes to premature ejaculation. And that tension reduces your vagina's feminine polarity, receptivity, and sensitivity. You are unaware of this tension until you choose to become aware.

That tension has built up your whole life, plus you've been taught to believe a tight vagina makes you sexier and will give him more pleasure. But tantra is about relaxation, which will soon give you more and deeper pleasure than you can imagine.

Isn't that consistent with Divine Openings?

Keep doing the body scan in the Diving In Audio Set and let your body get more relaxed all the time, but especially scan and relax as you approach sex. As your man's penis heals you, your vagina will relax more and more over time, but don't blame him if he comes to fast in the beginning, because he's partly responding to the energy inside of you.

It gets better.

Throughout the day check in with and scan your jaw, shoulders, solar plexus, belly, and most of all, your pelvic floor. Breathe and relax into it wherever you find tension. The good news is you will continue to find more and deeper relaxation forever. And sexual pleasure will deepen forever.

Notice that even as you lie in bed, you might hold tension.

Women unconsciously like a man's ejaculation as it validates that she is sexy. But if you want your man to make love to you for hours, learn to appreciate the subtle, cooler sensations you'll feel with tantra. It gets intense and blissful in a way that will make you desire hot conventional sex less over time.

Don't get him too hot if you want hours of pleasure, valley orgasms, and full body orgasms for both of you. Those take time to build.

I know, this is the opposite of all you've been taught.

If you want to help him orgasm without ejaculation, avoid tipping him over the edge. Relax your vagina, and your entire body, and that leads him to do the same. He will mirror you!

If you see him getting too close, stop moving and cool yourself down, relax and breathe. You'll stop worrying about not making him hot as you both discover what awaits you in the stillness and depths of tantric sex.

After a while he will learn to cool himself down.


The One Place A Man Likes Being Told What To Do

There is only one place in the world a man likes being told what to do: in sex. Take his hands and put them where you want them. Take his head and move him around. Grab him and lead him. Be assertive sometimes, and alternate it with leaning back and being receptive, so you're not predictable. He'll love being your man, your healer, or boy toy.

The unpredictability principle says that it's more exciting if he doesn't quite know what to expect from you (in a good way.) He doesn't want you to be insane, just a bit mysterious. Throwing him off balance sometimes is a good thing. I once asked my man, who constantly tells me how much he loves me, if he knew how much I love him. What he said surprised me. He basically said he doesn't want to know that for sure. He said he wants to always feel he has to earn my love, every day. He never wants to take how much I love him for granted.

Even a man who's not so enlightened or self aware as my man always wants a degree of unpredictability in you--he just may not know that--but you need to know it. Men value what they have to chase or work for, and that doesn't stop even once you're married. Deep down he wants you to be an unfathomable mystery, which is what quintessential woman is, so don't be too eager to lay it all out there. You may think you're being generous or loving, but you may be giving too much--so much that it takes his masculine motivation to pursue your and please you away.

Always leave a bit of uncertainty, mystery, and insert a tiny bit of distance here and there. Play with the balance of warmth and distance, so he always has to be reaching for you just a bit. You definitely want him reaching for you way more than you're reaching for him. Don't always be there when he calls home. Wait a while to return his calls. Let him wonder what fun you're up to.

Use whispers and soothing, sweet, or sultry sexy tones to say what you want. Make it provocative and playful, even if you're "acting bitchy". Practice talking into a tape recorder if you don't know how to use your voice well.


How To Do A Strip Tease or Lap Dance

You can create an exotic evening for you and your man, one that he'll never forget, right at home. We suggest you only do this for a special occasion gift like his birthday, New Year's, or Valentines Day, or to reward him for something incredibly special he did for you.

If he's not yet going all out for you, don't do this: the energy will be off. Don't overgive.

Don't work too hard at it. Remember you don't need to win him or be the pursuer or driver in the relationship. You're not doing this to improve your relationship, or make him love you more, or make something happen. That's his job.

Tell him you're doing it for your own entertainment but you'll let him watch. Then truly, do it to turn yourself on.

First let's go over the basics. Practice alone before you do this for your man, unless you are very confident and at ease about it.

You don't have to know how to "dance". All you have to do is move slowly and sensuously. Stay with your own feelings. Don't worry about him.

You'll practice in the mirror until you feel ready to do this for your man, and that will be so much fun! Being nervous is actually exciting to him and you. Say, "I feel nervous, but excited."

You could get together with a group of women to practice. Being with other women juices up the feminine. You could get a group of girlfriends to go to an upscale gentleman's club to get the vibe and copy some moves, and it feels safe to be with other women there. Or you could take a pole dancing or exotic dance class.

Energy first, physical action follows.

Women, first get yourself juiced up. You'll do this alone. There is no amount of physical action that substitutes for you being in love with yourself and turned on.

Begin by simply enjoying and feeling your femininity throughout your ordinary day. As you stand in line at the grocery store:

  • Soften your wrists
  • Put one foot slightly in front of the other, standing in a prim feminine Miss America pose
  • Drop all your thoughts down into your abdomen until you feel grounded and tingly down in the lower torso
  • Imagine the sparkle that emanates from you that is as life-giving as the air a man breathes
  • Soften and imagine opening your vagina sideways. This widening has a remarkable effect on you. It's all about you. You can also do this "sideways opening" when you're making love. Imagine it now. It takes lovemaking into a whole new realm that's independent of friction. It's about vibration, openness, and letting go. Letting him in.
  • Watch how men everywhere respond to you when you are energetically open like this. Don't be surprised if you get flirted with or noticed more.

You aren't trying to turn a man on--it's their job to woo you and turn you on. You're turning yourself on, and they get turned on automatically just feeling/seeing you be that way.

That's why men pay to watch exotic dancers, knowing they can't even touch them. They thrive on that energy of seeing a woman be unabashedly and fully female. It feeds them even though they know they are not important or even noticed by the woman.

Notice how exotic dancers play at being bitchy and unavailable, alternating with prim and alluring. Like "maybe you can have me, maybe you can't." That arouses the very core of "winning over the female" in a man's deepest biological programming. And it is fun for both of you when you play off of it.

So many women are holding that juicy part of themselves back, or are so absorbed in mundane life they're not giving their femininity a chance to express, and men just crave that pure uninhibited feminine juiciness.Women in the modern work world are always thinking instead of feeling. An eighty year old woman who knows how to get in her feminine power can attract men to her like a magnet, and they won't even know why. They'll just want to talk to her and soak up that energy, even if in non-sexual ways.

Your aren't trying to turn men on.
All you need to do is turn your femininity on.



Logistics and How To's


Even the preparation is arousing.


Take a long sensuous bath with scented oils or bubbles.

Collect some sensual music you respond to. We have some original music for this, and will be making more. There's a good suggested playlist in module 8 to get you started. You can also search iTunes for erotic or tantric or sexy lounge music.

Put on something to wear that makes you feel sexy, even to practice. Have some scarves you can use to cover then reveal parts of yourself. Put on layers you can take off a little at a time. Put on high heels if you like. Or go barefoot with painted toenails or henna patterns on your feet.

You don't have to dress too skimpy to be sexy. You could do your dance in an evening gown and peel it off, gloves first. You could wear full clothing and peel it off. Men adore those boy shorts on women and they flatter most body shapes.

The variety of your choices in possible costumes is endless.

  • Belly dancing and geisha outfits are fun.
  • Lingerie comes in many styles. Men love the shelf bras and items with no bra cups.
  • Not showing everything all at once is sexier than nudity.
  • A sarong, hot pants, hula skirt, 60's bell bottoms with crop tops, baby dolls, whatever turns you and him on.
  • Ask him what he fantasizes about costume-wise. Most men love the naughty librarian who looks all prim but actually is very sexy when she is persuaded to let her hair down.
  • Thrift stores are fun and inexpensive ways to fill your costume closet with schoolgirl, teacher, librarian, and other outfits.
  • A feather mask adds an exotic touch and lets you hide behind it if you're nervous. That's why masqeurade balls are so sexy. It's not really you, it's your sexy alter ego.
  • You can order anything on the Internet these days.
  • Long silk gloves are great to stroke his body, then later to peel off slowly, one finger at a time. Then you can trail them over his body.

It's amazing what happens when you dress up. You can become someone else who's naughtier and less inhibited. Exotic dancers say the costume gets them in the zone and frees them up to be a different person. One dancer I met is a child psychologist by day, and an exotic dancer on the weekends, so she gets to express other parts of herself that her work doesn't allow her to express.

What's your fantasy, or his? Ask him. High priced call girl? Geisha? Balinese native? You can be many women to him, and he will love all the women you are inside. You'll act in ways you never dreamed you would act when you're in another character.


Copy Some Moves From Pros

Here's a

about moving your hips. Start easy and practice by yourself if you're shy.

Here's a full lap dance tutorial

And one with a man

From there you can browse YouTube for more "how to give a lap dance" videos.
Find things you like. Fun homework, yes?

Practice Your Moves for Your Own Enjoyment

To practice, stand in front of a full length mirror by yourself and turn yourself on while having fun. Have a straight backed chair there to use as a prop. It gives you confidence and something to anchor you and hold you up.

Remember, it's not about fancy moves. He adores your body.

Floor moves are good in case high heels make you feel like you're going to fall down! Make it easy on yourself till you gain confidence and start having fun. Crawl sloooowly and sensually to him across the floor, toss your hair, crawl up into his lap. I suggest going much, much, much slower than you think you should. Slower is much sexier, and is easier for you to pull off! It makes him hang on your every move.


Slow is more feminine, fast is more masculine.

The pace of all of your movements should be so slow that you think it's too slow, then slow down some more, then slow down even more. You can't do it too slowly, so keep slowing down. Slower is more teasing and sensual, and it relaxes you and makes it easier for you. Go slower than any of the women in these videos.

He isn't looking for a flashy performance, he wants to feel your sexy femininity, feel you taking him into your energy field, and eventually into your body.


Slower is always sexier.

Trail your fingertips all over your body, very slowly. Go so slowly it teases you just to watch yourself. You want to make him wonder what comes next and wait for it with anticipation.

Trace your fingers up and down your body, from thighs to belly to breasts to neck to face. Part your lips and relax your face. Don't smile. Let your eyes half close.

Now turn sideways to the mirror and run your hands up under your hair and lift your hair up in back, elbows out, like a pinup girl. Arch your back and pull your shoulders back, with one foot in front of the other. Tilt your head back with mouth slightly open, then turn to the mirror and wink.

Now run your hands back down your neck and shoulders and chest, slowly take your hands down and cup your breasts, holding them up. It should all feel great to YOU as you do it. Truly caress your skin.

Slide your hands to hugging yourself softly and smile at yourself. Stroke down to your hips lightly with your fingertips, and sway your hips side to side very, very slowly as you touch and stroke in curvey motions all over your torso.

Go even slower and notice how much more relaxed you feel. If you're nervous, use your chair prop to steady you. Put your hands on the back of it and lean on it towards him.

Hold onto the back of the chair. With your hips sticking out behind you toward the mirror (him), rotate your hips in a big circle, then go the other way. Slap your behind or stroke it slowly.

Stand up or keep using the chair. Roll your head in a slow circle, letting your hair fall around your face, relaxing your neck, and reverse. Look at him each time your head comes back up. Then take your focus deep inside your own self and pretend he's not there, that it's all about you. Hair falling over your eyes is alluring.

Tip your chin down and look up from under your lashes at yourself (it will be him later). Whenever you look at him, end the look by cutting your eyes away sideways. This is an ageless flirting mannerism. Sway your body side to side, cutting your eyes the opposite way each time. Look down, then look up directly into his eyes.

Lean toward the mirror supported by the chair and arch your back like a cat stretching. Then round your back up and point your toes.

The walk is important and easy to do. Make it slow and languid. Here's how to walk. Walk around the chair using the back of it for support at first till you get your balance and feel good at this. Lift one knee just a little, but dramatically.... and sharply point your toe at the floor, stepping across the other foot.

As you step forward on that foot, your toe lands first, then you place your weight forward on that foot and pause for effect, snaking your upper body around slightly.
After a long pause, put the other foot out in front of you, placing your toe on the floor before you put your weight on it. You might kick the free heel up toward your behind and arch your back, leaning back or forward.

Walk with smooth gliding steps, one step at a time, with smooth but completely halted pauses in between steps. Your hips will sway naturally each time you put the weight on the next foot.

Hold the chair, and undulate your hips in a front to back wave using your abdominals.

Turn your back to the mirror (him) and look over your shoulder and wink. With your front hidden, unbutton or unzip something and open it in front and hold it out to the sides, even though it can't be seen from the back. Look around and teasingly look in the mirror (at him). Now partially button or zip it again and turn to the mirror (him) but don't reveal all yet.

Grab the chair back and put your foot up on the chair so you can see a peek up under your skirt or see your inner thigh. Then go demure and cover yourself again primly. Alternate demure and proper with naughty and uninhibited. The contrast is fascinating.

Straddle the chair with the chair back in front of you, facing the mirror, and lean your body way over each way, from side to side, bending yourself in a sideways C curve, leaning your neck way over. Make a snake motion from side to side.

Hold the back of the chair and lean way back and let your hair fall down behind you. Go excruciatingly slowly. Lie with your back over the chair seat with a pillow on the seat for padding, and arch your back to the extreme. You'll do this on his lap later.

Pull your panty, skirt, or pants down an inch, tease, then pull it back up. Take off a strap and then pull it back up. Slow teasing is the game. This is your perfect chance to take the time a woman needs to get turned on.

Sideways glances are very alluring and feminine. Try many angles. Limp wrists, long fingers, and pointed toes are also sexy. High heels accentuate the pointed toe and flexed calves effect--that's why they're so sexy.


Your Special Night


When you're ready for your "special night".

First turn yourself on by preparing for this special event. Take a long bath, smooth cream on your legs and arms, put on makeup and perfume, do your hair in a completely new way, or wear a wig so you feel like a whole new person. Choose an outfit and accessorize it creatively.

Makeup, an outfit that accentuates our best features, and a little soft light or candle light makes all of us look better and gives us confidence to get out of our comfort zone.

As you get ready, excitedly anticipate how wonderful it will be and how much he'll appreciate that you even did it.

Choose your music. Light the candles. Turn down the lights. Don't let him see you till you begin. Have him relax in another room or lie down and wait.

Bring him in and and tell him to sit in the chair with his eyes closed until you tell him to open them. You can position it so there's a mirror behind you so he can see you front and back if you like. Tell him he can look but not touch. Later you can let him touch, but make him wait ten or so minutes.

When you're in position and your first song comes on, tell him to open his eyes. Begin moving slowly, sometimes looking him in the eye, but then dart your eyes away sideways and let it be all about you, not him. Enjoy yourself and turn yourself on, and he will enjoy it more.

Don't cater to him, pull energy from him, or adore him too much. Be self-absorbed and let him wish for your attention.

Constantly touch and stroke your body slowly, but don't touch him for a while. Just move your body slowly and enjoy yourself. Do all the things you did above in your practice.

Eventually you'll rub up against him lightly, breathe in his ear, whisper in his ear, give him feather touches. Then withdraw. Don't keep escalating or get all over him. That's masculine. Feminine is a bit aloof and let's him take action toward you, when you're ready to allow it.

Lean over his back and stroke his chest or unbutton his shirt from behind. Then withdraw.

Play peekaboo. He can see you, then he can't.

Come around in front of him and put your high heeled foot on the chair right between his legs and put your hands on your hips in a bossy pose, then stroke your hands up to your neck to push your hair up again in pinup pose. Then swirl your hands around your head, messing your hair up.

Eventually you'll sit in his lap with your back to him, rubbing against him lightly. You don't need to bump and grind on him.


Slide down to arch your back over his knees, looking up at him. Slide down to the floor and roll slowly to fully recline in front of him, letting him peek up your skirt or see your inner thighs.

Then really slowly get up and walk around him languidly, putting one foot out in front of you at a time, placing it on the floor before you put your weight on it, one step at a time, with pauses in between steps, as you sway your hips.

Then slowly move to straddling him. Slowly swivel your hips on his leg in tiny circles. Make it subtle at first to tease him. Put your breasts in his face but not in a smothering or aggressive way. Wag your finger silently if he tries to touch you too soon. Pout your lips at him then demurely look away.

Trail your fingertips down each side of his face with just your index fingers.

Then get up and move sensuously around him. Lean over in front of him in various positions, teasing. Let your hair drag over his face. Take off items of clothing, gloves, or scarves one at a time, and trail them over his face and body.

Plan a pose to end with at the end of your song selection.
Look him in the eye with a sideways glance, then turn away and walk out of sight. When you return, let him approach you.

Get Creative

Another time, you could let him stand outside the window and be a peeping tom who isn't supposed to be able to see you turning yourself on.

Have him take photos of you for his eyes only.

Make up different personas with different names and come out as them, pretending not to remember you did it. "I don't know WHO that woman was!" He will remember those names forever.

Make up sexy pet names for each other. Exotic dancers get to make up their stage personas, and you can too.


Use your imagination and have fun!

Message of the Day

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Let your heart break regularly. Not romantic heartbreak (what a waste). Expand so much, appreciate so radically, generate so much joy that your heart has to repeatedly burst its seams open to contain it.
Lola Jones