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Vor, Texas - Humor from Lola's upcoming book, Confessions Of A Cowgirl Guru

Lola's writing Confesssions Of A Cowgirl Guru first because it's FUN. Second, the spiritual path is way too serious. Here's an excerpt. Look for the video The Hamster Wheel to show up in the blog soon. It's Lola performing a hilarious riff on addictive seeking--live in front of an audience at the end of a retreat.

Here's how the energy vortex at City View Ranch got started. A friend and I were on a month-long cross-country road trip about seven years ago, and we stopped and hiked in Sedona.

We liked the upscale RV park there on Oak Creek, although with our little aluminum bumper-pull trailer sandwiched in among the giant buses and slide-out-festooned-luxury-yachts-on-wheels, we were the trailer trash of that park.

We were living our philosophy of "life is a costume party" so we stood out just a teensy bit. But doesn't everyone put on their tiara first thing in the morning with their bathrobe as they emerge from their travel trailer to greet the grand sparkling new day?

I painted some of my artworks on a picnic table in that trailer park.

Many people do go to Sedona expressly to soak up energy from the vortexes. It’s vortices, but if you have to get technical you’ll ruin our second best Sedona story:

With my Texas accent it’s always obvious, but I’ll often nod and say with an exaggerated twang, “I’m not from ‘round here.”

People would ask, “Where are you from?”

We’d say, “Vor.”

They’d say, “Vor… Vor... where is Vor?”

After a long pause, we'd deadpan, "We're from Vor, Texas." Some got it, some didn't, some groaned, but we always giggled.

We did visit a couple of the vortices, that's vortexes to us Texans, and the one called The Chapel seemed sludgy and not very high vibration, like tourists musta been throwing food wrappers and sanitary products and such in the vortex and had clogged it up!

So we cleaned the energy up, and left it better than we found it, which gave us a great idea. We could start a vortex installation and cleaning service!

Being the proud owner of a septic tank at City View Ranch it was easy for me to envision us pulling up to a vortex with one of those enormous septic system cleaning trucks, putting on our overalls and giant rubber work gloves, and running the big hose down the vortex to suck the negative sludge out, leaving it fresh as a daisy for the next tourists.

Then we'd charge the vortex back up, tip our hats, and say, "Thanks for calling Vortex Installation and Cleaning Service."

Oh, okay, I know, of course you don’t really need to use a hose—that was just for show so people would know we were professionals and not just some woo woo outfit.

It was one of those great business ideas you just never do follow through on, you know? No, we weren’t smoking anything.

I did install a vortex back home at City View Ranch (shown here) in Texas.

We imagined we'd incorporate our own town, too, which would essentially be just the ten-acre ranch. You know-- start small. We figured we’d put a big arched sign over the long, eighth of a mile driveway to the house, saying, "Now entering VOR, TEXAS".

Some Texans dream of seceding from the union, and would if they could get away with it. And everybody would have their own town. But we figured we'd just secede from Austin. Some people buy their own town, but we couldn't afford it. Kim Bassinger bought Braselton, Georgia, and Albert, Texas is for sale on EBay right now if you're in the market.

It was great fun thinking about it, but starting our own town would have been too much paperwork, so we settled for creating our own reality instead, and that's been a lot more fun.


PS - This story appears in my new humor book (in progress) Confessions of a Cowgirl Guru. This book is entirely USDA Certified Seriousness-Free and will not contain anything remotely useful to you, but you should definitely get it when it comes out.

Humor is one of the ways I stay in balance, assimilate big energies, and enjoy life rather than getting too serious about myself and this ol' rock tumbling through space and time.

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All desires have a sacred origin, although they may have become contorted and distorted by the small self. All addictions are misguided attempts to find the bliss of Divine Beingness.
Lola Jones