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Relationship Evolution Grows Us Spiritually, and It's All Good

We both compromised our true selves too much to try to fit ourselves together, and in the process too much of the time, we were not being and doing what we actually wanted to be and do. That will wear on you, and it happens a lot in relationships.

by Lola Jones

I know people have been curious about the transition of my relationship with Russell into a friendship, and now that almost a year has passed that we've been friends instead of lovers, it feels timely to share with you about it.

Since my own life events have always been used as teaching examples in my work, I like to be transparent with you while still preserving some sense of appropriate privacy. My life evolves and moves through new phases and challenges like yours does, and I've said many times that relationship is a primary vehicle for that in my life. Every relationship is a precious, unique gift.

To inject a little levity right up front, someone once said,
"I hope to make my life an example rather than a warning to others."

Russell and I made a strong commitment for love to prevail in our transition, even if there were hiccups, because we do love each other. In our hearts we knew we would succeed, because that is who we are. We get together from time to time to take a walk, have lunch, enjoy each other's company, assist each other with this or that practical matter, and sometimes, we end up tying up loose ends emotionally. It's natural for that to become easier as time goes by; and as distance takes the edge of matters that were once very tender and sensitive, we also get clearer, without the stories and emotions that can cloud a relationship.

Today we had a visit, and we were able to clarify some feelings where we had never felt heard, address some things that hadn't gotten resolved, weather some awkward moments and bad feelings, say some uncomfortable things--and hallelujah, come to some sparkling new clarity for both of us, and truly begin to create a new way to relate. It felt very, very good. Timing is a wonderful thing.

A few practical examples of how we can be unfaithful to our true selves when in a relationship: I'm a health nut, he's not, so we couldn't cook or eat together and both love it. I don't need or like alcohol, and Russell does. Russell likes living in the city, I must live in the country. He likes a lot of TV and film, I'd rather be outdoors. In almost every vital area, including ones too personal to mention, we were diverging instead of aligning--and neither of us was wrong, just different, or going at different paces. That's fine for a friendship, because we don't need to be that much aligned with our friends.

I use the analogy that just being who you are and letting it be a fit or not takes, say, ten volts of your energy per hour. And trying to be and do what you are not, in order to blend with or make yourself a fit for that person takes maybe a thousand volts of energy per hour. Something eventually has to give. People can't keep that up when they live together--it's exhausting.

What the relationship has to teach you will still be there if you're willing to feel it, see it, hear it. When one or the other partner is not willing, evolution stops.

Today we celebrated the blessings of our time together. He got me to California, where I'd long wanted to live. I got him out of L.A. We got each other to Ventura county, and we both love it, now that he's in town near the beach and I'm in the country fifteen minutes into the mountains, each where we feel best.

We got along smoothly on a daily basis and inspired each other, and opened up many new horizons for each other. He became calmer, more peaceful, and slept better than he ever had. We traveled well together, and had some amazing trips and wonderful happy times together. There's a long list of new and exciting things we introduced each other to.

Russell took most of the pictures of me that appear on the website from 2010 to 2015. Photos taken by professional photographers just never captured the spirit and essence of me that Russell did, and he loves it! He contributed that stunning photo montage of the Germany October 2014 retreat that I then made into a video. The pure power of it blows me away every time I look at it. He's become a fantastic casual photographer without studying it.

I adore Russell's mother, Jean, especially. Here we are at a wedding in Colorado in 2013.

Russell called me later today and added a brilliant suggestion that took it to a beautiful new dimension.

He said, "This is a story that I think serves and honors us both, and it's as close to truth as any story can be: you and I are two wonderful people who love each other very much, but try as we might, there are just too many ways in which we're not naturally compatible, and just don't want the same things in too many areas. I think it's a rather romantic than a tragic story, and it works for us both."

I agreed.

Love, grace, harmony, and clarity to you all,

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In this world of contrast and polarities, don't be surprised when the opposite of what you want is very much a part of your thoughts. Don't do a spiritual bypass. Dive into the feeling, and drop the story, and your vibration will rise.
Lola Jones