How do you soothe yourself?
Written by Lola Jones on .
Written by Lola's first assistant.
We all know our "story" is just something our small self tells us over and over again to keep us wrapped up in drama. You know, the never ending, too often repeated story of what “happened” to you. I heard myself telling my "story" about 10 years ago. At first, I was mortified. I thought, "Oh Gawd! I know those people... I don't want to sound like that!" Funny thing, though... I did... and continued to... to varying degrees for the next, oh... 8 years. ; )
Times they are a'changin...
Once we realize that telling the story just keeps us in it, we can get an idea of what we've been doing with our lives. I could see quite plainly how I had perpetuated that story by attracting the same type of persons/situations into my life, so I could continue... the story. UGH.
Its funny though... I know a lot of people that have a story, but don't talk about it. They'll never tell you of their hard times or of the trials and tribulations in their life. They like to put on the "false front" of OKness... They don't re-tell their story, they just continue to live it. The problem is not with themselves, but everyone else. (((Let's be honest... just as with beauty.... "the problem is in the eye of the beholder". We are in complete control. The only thing that has to change is perspective, but if you can't be honest with yourself, you won't be honest with anyone.)))
I sometimes watch people around me... people I know and love, people I just meet, someone I pass on the street. Angry/cranky/negative.... people who drink too much or work too hard, drive too fast... all to the detriment of themselves. Allowing the past to "color" the fresh new world they wake up to every single morning. They think they're angry at the person who pulled out in front of them in traffic or the person that "wronged them ". Their anger doesn't really affect the folks they think caused their problem (in that moment). It really just affects the person holding on to it.The anger comes from feeling unworthy or needing to prove their worth.... then projecting that on the nearest screen/person/situation. Thinking the wrong order in the drive-thru line is what they're so mad about... ha!
Once we realize, we are ALL worthy, we are ALL children of the Divine we don't have to do that anymore. If we can stop and look at everyone around us, and see them as ourselves... someone who has been hurt or is suffering, we can stop judging them for doing things we've done to ourselves. We take ourselves so seriously and place our own value above others (funny, though, not really believing it... but trying hard to) because if we did feel as good about ourselves as we say, we'd never allow someone elses actions to affect us the way they do. If we are as confident and self assured as we let on, we'd never feel slighted by what we “think” someone might have thought of us. If we had a secret look inside the other persons life, we might see someone lost, sad or alone. Just as we have felt at many times in our life.
So, during a conversation the other day, a small but painful piece of my story popped up. I was a little surprised, because I've really been "over it" for a while. Now... being "over it" and re-creating relationships with the players in said story have happened on a little different curve. But, I'm not deterred... Its certainly worth my effort... on all counts. I don't hurt about it anymore... ok, rarely, but when I do, all it takes is awareness, soft loving kindness and patience with myself. It's not about anyone else anymore. (actually never was, I just know that now!) When I had my memory I sat with it for just a moment and then quickly closed my eyes. I saw my little six year old self... crying and crying. I just scooped her up in my arms and loved her. I told her that it was all ok. She is ok. I'm here now and I love her and will always take care of her. Nobody ever meant to hurt her, they were just hurt themselves and didn't have the tools to deal with it. We all do the very best job we can with what we have. I held her in my lap for a moment more, until we were both giggling again... and then she hopped down and ran outside to make mud pies and hug trees.
I've been doing this for a few years now and it has gotten easier and more gratifying every time. I'm not embarrassed to do it, and I get to reconnect with myself at all stages of my life. To see where I was and what I went/came through. To see the love always in my heart and confirm to myself, that its all I ever needed. All we ever need... More Love.
Love Love Love you all!