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Free At Last!!!

So much going on these days.  Energy is moving at an all time HIGH.  I feel things changing around me.  I am getting downloads almost every night.  I wake most mornings feeling warm and fuzzy.  That is, unless it's one of THOSE mornings.  Or my energy is moving faster than I am able to let it in.  Even those days are ok.  I recognize my resistance, acknowledge the movement, take a deep breath and thank heavens for my life and where I am in it.  I know that even in my pain, irritation, sadness or frustration, it is all energy and it's all moving.


As most of you probably know by now, Lola is moving to California. The energy got flowing on her moving to California a couple of weeks ago.  I have known this was coming and was feeling very excited for not only her and Russell, but for me as well.  New places to travel, new experiences, new challenges... all of it quite exhilarating. 

Then we got an email from a sweet woman congratulating Lola after seeing the for-sale page up on the site.  My heart dropped.  All the excitement left and was immediately replaced with a deep sadness.  Of course, in these moments, knowing they will pass does not make them LESS.  I stayed with it and let myself cry.  Feel, breathe, feel, breathe.  The feeling would pass and the tears would go, but there was more.  For about a week, every time I would even think about Lola moving I would start crying. It was such a deep and profound sadness, I knew it wasn't all about Lola.  I felt the pain of being separated from my Mother when I was six years old.  I felt the pain of my Granny leaving and moving to a town far away, after my Pop died.  These were very painful events for me as a child.  At the time, I was unable to fully feel or freely express and move through that pain.  Life kept right on going and I growing.  Elementary school, high school, bit of college, then a single mother, twice divorced.  The pain I felt took on many names through the years, and manifested in many ways. But here we are in the present, and this pain in my heart is so old.  The crime scene tape still waving in the breeze...

During that week, the enormity of what was moving was quite clear to me.  I have been feeling so good, obviously I'm still human, but really most of the time, I'm great.  The things that WERE more recently upsetting to me were my Father (Also old energy, but I moved through all anger towards him and our relationship is AMAZING now!!! YAY ME!!!).  I had no reason to "go back" and feel that stuff again.  I never think about it.  I have my Mother in my life and I love her very much, and I have the most wonderful memories of my Granny.  But the pain was in there un-felt and unmoving. 

What a blessing!  The most wonderful thing I could hope for, Lola finding a her next step, helped me move through some old and very deep pain that I didn't previously have access to.  Since then, I feel the whirlwind around me.  I am finding ways to make room in my life for so many things I want and am finding it easier and easier to believe I can have everything I want.

The Texas A&M Lady Aggies Basketball team just won the National Championship.  I am so proud of those girls!  We watched the games and I was so excited, I KNEW they were going to win.  I cried throughout most of the Championship game because I was so happy they were going to win.  By the time they won, I couldn't cry anymore, I just laughed and said, "I knew it!". 

As I was trying to go to sleep after the ballgame, my mind was running a mile a minute.  Most of it good and exciting, but I had a flash of a moment from my young adulthood I wasn't particularly proud of or happy to remember.  At that moment, I began soothing myself.  Usually I'll say "Stop It" or "Ok, thank you very much, next subject", but this time it was different.

I first said I love you... bless your heart, then started explaining to myself all the reasons everything is ok.  I told myself how I had found my way, and how things always worked out.  I told myself to look around at what had changed in my life and in the lives of the people around me.  I spoke sweetly, calmly and softly to myself.  Telling myself all the things I always wanted someone else to tell me.  Speaking the words of comfort that most comforted me.  Saying what I needed to hear, that only I know and understand.  My heart softened and utterly melted.  It felt so sweet and good.  I knew, I had found freedom.

It's only our mind that tortures us.  So... YOU talk.  It's crazy to me how we will stand idly by while our mind whips us and tortures us with past experiences, conversations or actions that are truly ancient history.  The only thing that keeps us attached to them is our mind.  A close friend of mine was struggling with her obsessive negative thoughts, I told her, only one can talk at a time, so you do it, deliberately.  Don't just try to stop the negative thoughts, CULTIVATE the positive ones.  Just start talking to yourself, loving, soothing and uplifting until you don't even remember what your mind was trying to scare you with!  

If your monkey mind is still giving you troubles, give this a try.  If you need to write out a script of sweet, loving, nurturing things to read in a tortured moment, do it.  Until you're able to go with your Large Self and flow those loving words in the moment, have an alternate plan.

If you need help formulating an alternate plan, I'm happy to help.

Here's to your Freedom!

So much Love to YOU,
Crystal
Divine Openings Giver

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Everything is spiritual. Even dirt. It's all made from essence of God. Take every chance to appreciate subtle miracles.
Rob Brezsny defining the title of his book, Pronoia Is The Antidote For Paranoia.