Module 1, and Free Trial of the Art Of Love and Sex Tantric Online Retreat Course

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Have you always longed for
extraordinary lovemaking that enriches
your spiritual awakening?

Welcome!
If you're registered, begin here.
If you're here for the Free Trial of Module 1,
enjoy, and we invite you to register
at bottom of page.

What Is Tantra?

Our Unique Definition of Tantra
Please don't apply any of the other definitions of Tantra you might already know to this retreat. There are more definitions and systems of Tantra out there than you can count, and this is different. Some systems are religious, some are esoteric and complicated, some are weird. As everything Russell and I create is unique, so is this course. As you would expect, it is grounded and practical, and yet deep, mystical, and profound.

Wikipedia says, "Despite reluctance to support a rigorous definition of Tantra, David Gordon White offers the following definition: Tantra is that Asian body of beliefs and practices which, working from the principle that the universe we experience is nothing other than the concrete manifestation of the divine energy of the Godhead that creates and maintains that universe, seeks to ritually appropriate and channel that energy, within the human microcosm in creative and emancipatory ways."

It is also said that Tantra is the “capacity for expansion” and “that which goes on expanding”, the "continuum", the seamless whole, the Oneness, Being and becoming, Infinity and the finite, Spirit and matter. How parallel to Divine Openings that is!

I've never been too concerned with definitions. When I'm creating, I'm always paying more attention to how it feels and especially, how well it works!



If you're not currently in a relationship, use this retreat to "get ready" and align the energy for the Tantric bliss that's in store for you when you've prepared to attract and enjoy your ideal Tantric partner. Do all the activities solo, focusing on you. You'll gain insight into past partnerships in the light of what you read here, and you'll see some things about them in retrospect, and know how you want to approach future relationships. This will help you move completely beyond past relationship limitations into wholly new Tantric possibilities for spiritual enlightenment and expansion.

Enjoy More Sensual Music As You Read!

Enjoy a short sample of another original song It's Only Ecstasy.

• It's on the new 10 track Watch Where You Point That Thing CD, or as an instant download. That's almost an hour of the most uplifting music out there.
• Or get just the 4 tantric songs, Heaven and It's Only Ecstasy, and both those songs in instrumental only. That gives you 30 minutes of sensual music, on our new The Art of Love and Sex instant download.

On either collection you get two versions of each song. One version has me speaking uplifting words, the other version has just singing and instrumental. We recommend you get one of them with this retreat to increase the vibration and for pure enjoyment.

In Module 8 we'll give you an extensive suggested playlist you can sample on iTunes and download just the songs you want for many hours of music.

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Your Intentions Are Paramount

• A whole new level of initiation into total spiritual awakening and Tantric sexual enjoyment.
  
• How to communicate with your partner, in and out of the bedroom, in a way that enhances your practical daily life and your Tantric sex life.
• If you're single, discover ways to attract your ideal partner without effort.
• Prepare yourself to attract that Divine Tantric partner.
• Become aware of dynamics that are either juicing up or damping your sex life.
• Sex and money and how they're related.
• Women, how and why your man makes more money when his sexual energy if on at full power.
• Experience Heaven on Earth through Tantric sexual union.
• Sexual ecstasy becomes easy and effortless through Divine Grace.
• Remove the limits you've placed on how much pleasure you are allowed to experience.
• Intimacy; transcend the limiting boundaries of your skin.
• Masculine and feminine dynamics, and how to play in them without being stuck in either one exclusively.
• Classic elements of masculine and feminine and how to use them to heighten your Tantric sex and love experience. 
• Cosmic Tantric sex, achieving mindless states and oneness.
• Types of orgasms, Tantric orgasm, and beyond orgasm.
• Ways for men to control and extend their orgasm without drugs.
• Multi-O for women.
• Female water flow, amrita, the waterfall, or "dolphin water".
• Extending pleasure both before and after orgasms.
• Tantric extended orgasm for both men and women.
• Feel your body more, and intensify your sensations.
• How to tune into your lover very quickly and easily.
• How to communicate your desires and dislikes.
• How to let go and ride Tantric energy waves.
• Erotic Tantric massage for men and women.
• How the way you learned about sexuality (porn, peers, parents, media) might have conditioned you in ways that limit you, and what to do.
• Moving into being rather than doing in Tantric lovemaking.
• Shifting from goal orientation to experience orientation.
• How to choose from a wide range of lovemaking roles.
• How to lose yourself in Tantric lovemaking and then find your center again so you don't become too enmeshed or dependent.
• The difference between force and power in sex play.
• How to use role play, costumes, love names and identities, and other dramatic elements deliberately and without embarrassment.
• Tantric sex as meditation, spiritual awakening, exploration, celebration, theatre, and even dance if you like. There are no rules and musts. You'll create your own.
• Sex talk that really enhances your Tantric lovemaking.
• Learning to feel more deeply for more pleasure.
• Fun things to try, or not--there aren't any rules or musts in the Divine Openings Tantra online retreat.
• How every person is different, and how to find their unique wants.
• What are your partner's primary and secondary love senses, and what are yours?
• How men can get over performance pressure, pride, and "I already know all about this," and begin to be present in the moment, a prime element of Tantric sex.
• How women can get over how they look, shame, history, or any issue, and make Tantric love openly and freely, beyond old issues and pain.
• Ways all sexes can move beyond issues like unworthiness, numbness, and inhibitions, and open the heart, for greater ability to give and receive.
• Developing a Feedback Loop to be a spectacular Tantric lover.
• Techniques you might discover you love, and others that simply aren't for you.
• Chanting your way to ecstatic Tantric states.
• Use of music to deepen your ecstasy.
• The beauty of age and how to make love at any age you imagine yourself to be--as well as your age right now. 
• The power and importance of self-love and how to gain it.
• The art of self-pleasuring--for its own sake and as a means to enhance Tantric lovemaking with your Beloved.
• Tantra as a sexual feast--approached with relaxed and open joy.
• How to intentionally transform animal urges into Divine Tantric communion.
• How to be sexily selfish.
• How to do a lap dance or exotic seduction.
• Lubrication, and what it indicates.
• Using lubrication, natural and otherwise.
• Knowing God through Tantric sex.
• Sexual communion as "church".
• Setting the scene for worship.
• Adoring the Goddess in her.
• Adoring the God in him.
• Rituals and Tantric activities that range from the sublime to the silly and everything in between.
• Tantric orgasmic stillness, bliss without doing.
• Connecting sexually with only energy and intention, even at long distances.
• Ebb and flow of sexual desire, and how to roll with it.
• Dealing with "issues" that do come up.
• How to be done with "issues" so your sex life becomes pure play, pleasure, connection, and Tantric creative self expression.
• Reigniting sexuality and rejuvenating a relationship.
• Opening the heart for deeper communion.
• We continually add things to the course.

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How It Will Go

Since some of you are taking this first module as a free trial, we'll skip the foundational buildup, and jump right in with something practical you can play with today. Then Module 2 begins with the important Tantric foundational pieces and the big concepts that everything else builds upon. Then we get into the juicy stuff in later modules, and go deeper and deeper.

Gender-Speak

For ease, we will always speak as if the couple is a man and a woman, but we are very clear that gender preferences and roles abound with endless variety, and we leave the translation to you as to who is playing what role in your relationship.

We'll also say he and she, when either gender can be substituted.

 

Tools You Need:

1. A notebook or a sensually beautiful journal for each of you, separately or together to record your experience to savor later.
2. Some candles and a cushy place to sit and talk. You'll become more aware of the value of creating sensual settings and deliberate sensory delights.
3. Single people can do the activities solo, but do set the scene for yourself.

What's Your Favorite Love Sense?

Your love sense is the communication channel that evokes the strongest emotions and responses in you. For instance mine is touching and being touched. Men are traditionally more visual, and looking at his woman might be a man's biggest turn on, much more than touching her or being touched. You can begin to see how this could be a cause of disconnect if you don't know each other's love senses.

As you attune to your lover and begin to discover more and more of what gives both of you pleasure, you'll notice that everyone is turned on and finds pleasure in some things more than others. If you assume they're turned on by the same things you are, you may miss hitting each others' biggest hot buttons. You and your lover may have completely different love senses, or you may share the same primary or secondary ones. It's ideal if you share the same ones, but as long as you're willing to please each other, it will work in any case. You come to enjoy giving them what they want because their enthusiastic response is so exciting or gratifying to you.



To do that, you have to find out what they do want, that they may not even know how to tell you.

Different love languages can inhibit deep Tantric communication and therefore get in the way of connection. Let's say a man loves seeing her, so he's always pulling his body away from her to see her better. But her primary love sense is touch, so she's always wanting closer body contact, she feels frustrated, and finds it hard to get to deep arousal, orgasm, and emotional fulfillment.

Or he may be turned on by sounds, and she doesn't make sounds. Or she may like to be told how beautiful she looks, and he never says that, perhaps because he grew up uncomfortable being effusive, or because he thinks telling her one time should have been enough. The point is to find out what your partner's love senses are and give them what they want, not what you'd want, or what you assume they want.

Anytime you give your partner what they want, you get it back ten times. When you're both tuned in and your hearts are open there's a spiral of giving and receiving that adds up to way more than the sum of the parts. We'll have some heart opening activities later on.

Most people interpret receiving communication in their own love sense as being well loved. And they can unfortunately interpret not getting that as not being loved enough. In any case, it's best to give them what they crave if you want the juiciest love life possible. You can easily see how important this is, yet most people don't even know their own love sense, so they can't tell you.

Here are the primary love senses:

1. Touch - sometimes called the kinesthetic sense. It's touching or being touched, feeling skin on skin, and different kinds of textures, temperatures, and pressures. You can use hands, feet, faces, noses, tongues, teeth, arms, legs, fabrics, feathers, or your whole torso to give and receive touch.
2. Seeing - the visual sense. You can gaze at the body, into each others' eyes, he can have her stand while he scans her entire face and body and takes it in, use mirrors, costumes, sarongs, lingerie, set scenes, use creative lighting, or even body paint to enhance the visuals.
3. Hearing - the auditory sense. You can whisper, growl, purr, murmur, talk, demand, plead, suggest, coo, squeal, laugh, giggle, or groan your expressiveness.
4. Smell - the olfactory sense. We're all unconsciously attracted or repelled by others' scents. If scent is very important to either of you, make it a part of your pre-love-making preparation.
5. Taste - you are actually tasting your partner when you kiss, or lick their body, much as you relish food. You can play with taste by biting, licking, nibbling, chewing on, nipping or sucking a lip or any body part, or by introducing food and feeding each other into your play. You can use flavored creams and oils.

Some people love it all and want it all, although one sense may be strongest.

Within each sense is a range of possibilities for what kind or intensity of touch, sights, sounds, words, scents, and tastes you each prefer. He may like the scent of sweat, or a clean perfumey smell, or both. She may like super soft touch or to be squeezed firmly, or she may like all kinds of touch alternating. She may like his rough beard or prefer that he shaves it for a smooth face.

Let's say you like to be nibbled upon, so it never occurs to you that he'd like you to bite on him firmly. He may not even know he likes this until you experiment. One woman found out her lover enjoyed her biting his face all over. He never knew he'd like this either. Find out. Find out by trial and error how hard does he want to be bitten? Escalate slowly and ask him to "say when" and for how long. It often shocks and surprises you if it's very different than what you would want.

She may like your cool hands on her face, or your hot hand just cupping her mound and not moving. Did you know that still cupping can be orgasmic to a sensitive woman who is already warmed up well? Rub your hands together vigorously first to get them hot. You're going to be surprised at the things movies and books never showed you. You'll find that your concepts of sex have been shaped by relatively paltry information.

Some people are so sensitive to their strongest love sense that distraction in that channel jars them out of the moment. For instance, for one who's extremely sensitive to auditory stimulation, a harsh voice can turn them off, a noise outside, a distracting sound like a phone ringing, or hearing a song they don't like on the playlist can cause their arousal to fade. If that's the case, take phones off the hook, put on music that you already know takes them deeper, get a white noise machine, and talk or whisper just the way that's pleasing to them. Find out by trying things and noticing their response... or lack of.

Many women become numb to repetitious touch in sensitive areas, especially the clitoris. The clitoris can withdraw and hide if overstimulated, making clitoral orgasm elusive or impossible to reach. The clitoris benefits from a rest from repetitious or firm touch. This may not occur to a man since he usually doesn't need that kind of rest from sensation. A woman usually enjoys having the man vary the touch so she doesn't get numb or become irritated by that touch. Most women don't enjoy unlubricated genital touch at all, although they may have conditioned themselves to endure it. Very slippery is best. Liquid Silk is great and it dries slowly. Body fluids dry too quickly once outside the body.



ACTIVITIES: Always keep this light and playful. As soon as it becomes work, or any pressure is appiied to change anyone or make anything happen, you or your partner can become resistant.

1. Make a comfortable, sensual environment, light candles, talk over a romantic candlelit dinner, or just sit at the kitchen table. Whatever you like.
2. Explore, talk, and experiment with your partner (or yourself) to find what their favorite love senses are.
3. Go down the list, talk about, and try them on with each other, get creative, and see what new things you discover.
4. Just asking them "What is your favorite love sense?" may not do much good, because, truth is, most people haven't really thought about it, so look at the list and talk about each one. "Do voices turn you on?" "Does seeing turn you on?" "How important is touch to you?"
5. You may find you haven't been engaging yours or your partners favorite love senses nearly as much as you could.
6. Ask what frees you and them up to relax, focus, and enjoy their love senses, so you can set it up better next time without the distractions.
7. Journal now or tomorrow. If something didn't go smoothly, Dive In, feel the feeling, drop the story about what didn't please you, wait until the vibration rises, then write down what you do want to happen.

Debrief:
For now, don't tell your partner what to do. Stay in your own experience, feeling your own feelings and anticipating what you want.

Relax and experience, feel and notice, without attachment to results.

Always give them some time to figure it out for themselves before you jump in to tell them. As you two get more tuned in, your partner will miraculously align with you more and more, and surprise you by doing things you've been wishing they would do.

Let go of the fixing, figuring it out, and controlling mode and get into the letting go and synchronizing mode. You'll have opportunities to tell them what you want under ideal conditions that we'll set up later.

Singles, you will automatically attract more sensual partners as you become more tuned into your own body, your own senses, and YOUR OWN FEELINGS.

Women, we'll give you simple non-sexual energy exercises you can do anywhere out in public and marvel at how men are drawn to you, without you "doing anything".

Couples, you'll attract more pleasing behaviors from your partner as you tune into your own body, your own senses, and YOUR OWN FEELINGS. Forget about changing your partner and just experience them without stories or concepts. This is magic.

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Enhancing Your Feedback Loop

If there is one single thing that makes the most difference in anyone's lovemaking artistry, it’s turning up the sensitivity dial on your Feedback Loop. All sexes benefit from this, but women tend to use it more naturally. It is absolutely vital for a man to cultivate this capacity if he is to be an excellent lover who can take his partner to the highest heights.

When a person has a great Feeback Loop, when his partner is responding with pleasure, he notices that, and he keeps doing what he's doing for a while. If she's responding with less pleasure, he notices that, and he changes what he's doing very quickly, and he keeps changing it until her response rises again, and then he adjusts for ever-increasing pleasure. He continues to adapt his approach to her responses and continues to build the arousal.



While both partners need a great Feedback Loop it's more important for the man to have it because men are faster to arousal and orgasm, and women are a bit slower. If he can help her find her wave and get on it with her, things get really good.

If a person doesn't have a well-tuned feedback loop, they don't notice how their lover is responding. They're only paying attention to themselves, which causes a disconnect in the loop. Ideally both partners are paying attention to both their own sensations, and their partners responses, or lack of.

Some lovers persist in doing a routine that worked for their past lovers. It's a comfort zone, and they risk competely failing to find their new lover's deepest rhythms, hot buttons, and turn-ons. Again, men are usually easier to please, so they may find their new female lover's "routine" pleasing and different or exotic, but the woman usually wants you to find her rhythm, her wave, and her unique likes, dislikes, and wants.

Male or female, everyone is different--and deep down everyone wants different things. Many people have never bothered to explore enough to find out what they want. They've been content to settle for mediocrity and the same old same old.

You can help each other discover your selves and understand each other better. Be awake. Play. Notice.

A partner who remembers what you like is a treasure. You tell him/her once, and he/she remembers forever, rather than returning to their previous rote routine unconsciously. That one is a keeper. So there's a balance of remembering their favorites and being aware of their signals and whims in the moment.

Women are mercurial and ever-changing. There are things she consistently favors, yet you can't assume every day is the same. Tomorrow she might respond differently to that same thing, so her man doesn't try to nail it down a rule or a routine.

Much as men might classically want figure things out, file the information, and "have the answer for all time", Tantra is about sensing the energy of the moment and following his or her flow in the now. I used to joke that some men want to find each hot spot on their woman and spray paint "X marks the spot" on all of them and just go right to them every time without having to sense her and feel her. That's an unconscious autopilot mode, and it's the opposite of intimacy and Presence. Ah, what a waste of opportunity, and what a recipe for boredom and burnout.



A man cannot expect his lover to be like him, unless he wants a man! He usually knows what he likes, and tomorrow it will be pretty much the same. Quintessential women in general like change and surprises and variety in their relationships and interactions more than men. Women's responses shift, and their moods, wants, and desires may change from moment to moment like the waves on the surface of the ocean. A man can either be fascinated, entertained, and intrigued by the differences between himself and his mate, or be forever frustrated -- it's his choice.

 

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First Please Her

There's a foundational principle in Tantra that it's the man's job to first please the woman. This developed from the observation that in general the masculine is faster to arouse, quicker to orgasm, and easier to please, while feminine sexual response is more complex. So by prioritizing her arousal and satisfaction, both of you end up the winners, and you both have the most wonderful experience.




The man gets back what he gives ten times. A happy satisfied woman is a passionate, juicy, willing, generous, inspired, creative, and motivated woman. Her confidence that there's no rush, that she will be fulfilled eventually, frees her up to relax and play with her man. Once she knows his commitment to her pleasure, that upward spiral kicks in every time right from the start. She can trust that he has her pleasure foremost in his mind and isn't going to go off into his own little world and leave her unfulfilled. Men typically need to learn to breathe, relax, slow down, and enjoy the ride and the scenery along the way. This is not about "getting the job done".

If the man never developed a good Feedback Loop, he simply mechanically does what he's learned you're "supposed to do," perhaps not taking her response into account at all. And too often, if he has a poorly tuned Feedback Loop a man will keep doing something that is actually irritating, painful, or not pleasurable to her. I've experienced it even with first kisses, and if a first kiss showed he had no Feedback Loop, that was the last date. There's not much you can do with a lover with no Feedback Loop, and it's not your job to teach them unless they ask you, or agree to do this course with you. They would improve if their Feedback Loop was tuned up.

I made up the term Feedback Loop while talking to a friend about a date where this guy had two glasses of wine and was oblivious to my lack of response to his first kiss. I said to the friend who had so excitedly introduced me to him, "Uh, it was as if he had no clue whatsoever that his uninvited kiss was not only not turning me on, but that the way he was kissing was grossing me out. It was as if he had no Feedback Loop. He seemed to be somewhere else, lost in his own little world, and he didn't notice he'd lost me along the way. I wasn't even ready to kiss him on the first date. He was unconscious, operating on some kind of numb autopilot. Ugh."

Some lovers even become annoyed that what they're doing is not working, as if their partner should just enjoy whatever they do, setting off a spiral of disconnection.

At advanced levels of attunement and mastery, you'll quickly align with your partner and soar to states of oneness where the distinction between the two of you virtually melts, and the Feedback Loop is in warp drive. It would actually be difficult to get out of tune with each other in this blended state. The Feedback Loop is most vital in foreplay, and at the early stages of arousal, since women usually need more arousal and coaxing than men.

Once arousal is intense, not much gets in the way--you have momentum on your side. But you can still lose the connection if you go unconscious and aren't present with your partner, and it feels a lot like when you're driving along in your car and you get out of range of the radio station you were listening to, and it fades and begins to sound fuzzy. You have to tweak the dial and tune back in.

Women benefit from developing their Feedback Loop. When a man who is a very good kisser kisses you, follow his rhythm and match his lips with yours. Follow as a dance partner follows, not pushing, but blending with his movements. Go with his flow and soften your lips to melt with his rather than trying to "do something" back to him at first.

Yielding to him is a very sexy thing to do. Every cell in his biological being responds to this. How do you yield? Soften your demeanor and your entire body, and let your body relax and respond rather than try to lead, give, or do. Rather than pressing equally back to him to meet his lips or body, actually let him do all the pushing on your lips or body. As he presses, let yourself be pushed back a bit, and feel how delicious it is to yield. Soften to the point where you feel like you're going to melt and fall backward or slide down to the floor if you're standing up. Let your knees almost go weak. This will turn both of you on.

Let your knees go weak, your wrists go limp, and your jaw relax.

Softening the lips is one of the great keys to good kissing. Tight or firm lips don't blend together very well. Wide open mouths that leave big empty spaces for long periods of time also inhibit connection and feel disconnected. You could close your mouth somewhat to keep contact, and keep lots of solid, soft contact with as many surfaces of your lover's mouth and tongue and body as you can. Vary it of course. Don't get into a kissing routine or pattern. Stay awake and responsive and alive.

If you have your own ideas about how you want to be kissed, and he (or she's) not doing anything close to that, lead non-verbally at first and see if he gets it. Take his face gently in your hands and hold him at the angle you want him, very gently close or open his mouth a bit, and just hold your lips to his very still for a moment until he calms down and aligns with you. Then very slowly begin to move the way you want to move, at your own rhythm. If he takes off again on autopilot, in a way you don't like, pull back slightly, get still, smile seductively, and very sweetly start over. Repeat until he takes your gentle lead, then soften and lean back and let him show you what he just learned about your desires. Give him non-verbal appreciation with sounds, smiles, moans, and squeezes.

If a partner doesn't get it non-verbally, you could whisper, "Soften your lips for me, Lover," in a suggestive voice. Or, "I love it when your tongue is soft and fat rather than pointy and hard." Then when he does what feels good to you, give him some non-verbal feedback like melting into his body and purring, "Mmmmmm!!!" Always express generous appreciation when you get what you want, and give a neutral no-response when you don't, or lead him gently again until he understands what you're asking for. Later we'll talk about how to ask verbally.

Kissing is a preview of the rest of your lovemaking. The connectivity of your kissing sets you up for connecting in other ways. It's important, as it sets a tone, a rhythm, and a mood. With a new person, spend weeks just kissing to get in alignment. It will tell you if you want to go farther.

Give a chance for them to adjust in all areas of lovemaking if you're new partners, or you're asking for new behaviors, because most people have gotten into a routine and need a little time to break old, ingrained habits. If you endure it at the start, it is harder to break it later. He can get set into a pattern, thinking he's pleasing you, and then he may feel like you're being unfair in asking him to change radically later. "It was OK before! What's the deal?" he'll wonder. That confuses him and causes him to distrust you.

Women have classically been conditioned and socialized to notice and attend to the needs of others more than men have, and this often happens at the expense of the woman's own needs. A woman does well to feel her own needs as well as her man's, and to attempt to balance her needs with his. In other words, stay focused in your own body, and inhabit your own center, even as you feel around for what works for him.

I'm going to show you how to be selfish and turn him on even more by doing that.

If you attempt to over-exaggerate a positive response just to be pleasing to him when he's not really pleasing you, you're setting yourself up for disatisfaction later. A woman should not be trying to win a man, and she certainly should not be trying to please him as a way to get him to want her. It might get him into bed, but it simply doesn't lead to commitment if that's what you want. If you want commitment, ask even more of him, and show him how to please YOU. If he doesn't give to you, you don't want him. Run!

Early on in a sexual relationship, if a woman exaggerates positive responses, fakes pleasure, or worse, fakes orgasms, she is scrambling her man's Feedback Loop by giving him false feedback. She trains him to do what doesn't work, and later she'll be resentful about it or frustrated that he persists in it. Better to endure the discomfort of pulling back from him, which is giving him accurate feedback. Let him fix it. He can. Men are geared to fixing things, figuring things out, and solving problems for you. Don't be too easy. Be a bit difficult to please, in a nice way. I speaks to his deepest biological instincts. Watch those nature shows where they female beast makes the male show her how worthy, strong, and persistent he is before she will let him have her. We still have these deep biological instincts to win (male) and be won (female), and they're very arousing and satisfying.

Your "feedback" is mostly non-verbal, like lying still and not making pleasure sounds when you don't like the way she's doing it, or pulling your body slightly away from a touch you don't like, or gently guiding her hand where you want it.

We don't recommend saying, "You're doing it wrong." Just don't respond as if it feels good if it doesn't, and respond with sounds and movement that tell your lover when it does feel good. Be authentic.

Try saying things like:
"Please, softer."
"This rhythm feels good to me."
"You know what I really like a lot?"
"Know what turns me on even more?"
"It would feel really good to me for you do it a bit more like this."

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Build Special Moments Together

Life is made of little mundane moments. In the end it's not the big events that are remembered, but the little, special, everyday things. To get closer to your love, create little moments of connection and joy in the simplest of ways.

Please go SLOWLY through this retreat. Rushing causes you to miss the experience, and it's ALL about experience. This is not about mechanical techniques, or stuffing concepts in your head. Doing each activity in order will build a foundation that you'll need later.

ACTIVITY:
Enhance your senses: Each of you will take turns doing this. Decide who is adored first. Or you can do this solo to yourself. I've done it that way and it opened surprising doors for me in being my more feminine self!

When I was in Florence, Italy, I found the hands of the statue of David to be one of the most sensual and erotic sights I'd ever seen. Hands are for giving pleasure, and for being pleasured.

1. Adoring the hands: No matter how long you've known each other, imagine you've never touched before. Sit facing each other comfortably, even at the kitchen table, and touch one fingertip to the other's fingertip. Feel the fingerprint on that finger and get to know it. Feel the fingernail. Occasionally glance up at their face, but really look at their fingers. Do this for a good five minutes or more, breathing deeply and focusing on your own slow, easy breath.
2. Then stroke the other's forearm and hand. Really look at their arm and hand. Trace the veins and notice the hairs, scars, moles, and skin. Turn the hand over and touch the palm with feather lightness. Focus on your breathing so that this is a relaxing meditation.
3. Eventually take the hand in both your hands, bring it slowly to your lips, and kiss the palm and press it against your cheek. Adore them through that hand.
4. Make this last by being 100% present and in total appreciation and enjoyment of THIS MOMENT. Let go of the need to do anything or get anywhere. You're not trying to turn the other on. You're expanding your senses and enjoying the moment.
5. If you feel rushed or anxious, dive into that feeling till it rises up the Instrument Panel. Don't touch anywhere else until you have experienced both their forearms and hands in a whole new way, and you sense they want more. Or it can end right there.

ACTIVITY:
Intensify: Do alone, or take turns doing this. Decide who is giver and receiver first.

1. If you're ready for a more sexual touch, try this Touch and Tease Game: While giving your partner any kind of touch or kiss, play with occasionally withdrawing, teasingly. There is a "sensation fatigue threshhold" that's different for each person. Some people go numb to a repetitious touch very quickly, others don't fatigue at all. For some people, repetitious touch actually becomes annoying and unpleasant. Depending on their sensitivity and sensation fatigue threshhold--touch, kiss, or stroke for a solid minute or three, then stop and breathe or softly blow on that spot for twenty seconds or so, giving it a complete rest from the intense sensation, and let their desire for your touch build up again. It's even better if you look for a subtle cue, a subtle non-verbal "ask" for you to start again, such as they lean into you or wiggle. Then resume. If you don't get an ask, don't start yet.
2. Use this to sharpen your Feedback Loop. Let it be without any goal. Later you can use it to take your partner to new heights.  Alternate the touching and teasing until they ask you not to stop again. Let it be a jumping off point for inspired new ideas.

I gave you a lot, and this is just the tip of the iceberg, and there is so much more. We invite you along on the ride of a lifetime.





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