"An ocean can fall on your head, but if your pipes are only as large as a drinking straw, you might get a teacup full. Grace is constantly raining on you, so ask not for more Grace, but for larger pipes. Divine Openings expands your pipes." Lola Jones
Speedbump Testimonials - So You Know You're Not Alone!
We created this page, so those of you who are having speedbumps (or major crises) know you are still on track, and that what you're experiencing is part of your process.
These type of letters are in the minority of what we get, so to make them easier to find than they would be on the regular Testimonials page, we put them here for you.
These deal specifically with difficulty or resistance in the process, or having it take longer:
My visit this time brought to light a lot of things. Things that I had gotten glimpses of, but I guess just not been ready for the whole she-bang. It is clear to me that I have been somehow seeing Divine Openings as some puzzle to solve. Like if I could just somehow find the loophole, I could enjoy all the goodies without actually having to feel....
Ahem...can we say spiritual bypass? And how I had been having a death-like grip on my stories, wanting to prove them to be true and prove how right I am. How crazy strong the victim vibration has been and how it's colored so many parts of my life. How it works for others, but not for me.... What BS!!! It just seems like insanity now. And even though it is almost 3 years into my Divine Openings journey, I feel like I am now truly ready to delve in. I want to feel, I want to "get it", I want to let it in. And I really feel that simply that genuine intention will open things up for me. Thank you,
thank you, thank you for just being you and doing what you do.
Lot of Love,
Mindy
"Oh, Lola! I'm actually crying now and I can't really see the computer screen through my tears, but I feel compelled to write you back. Your support is so wonderful and I've been doing really well up until recently with reading the book and doing the online course and I've had several eureka moments, but I am getting soooo blocked! My legal separation from my husband is in the court now and we are waiting for a court date to tell our sides (more stories......) and to find out how much money we are each entitled to (yuck!!). My husband's claim is completely unreasonable and he is being nasty and mean. He seems to forget he has two children he needs to support. He is trying to squash me! I refuse to be a victim (I repeatedly tell myself), but I'm afraid I am sending out a lot of victim vibration. I'm trying not to get caught up in my story, but now I have to tell my story over and over - to my lawyer and now soon to judges. I can't get out of this vicious cycle - what can I do?
I would love to come and see you for a live Divine Opening, but I live in Switzerland - any suggestions?
Many, many thanks. Love, Marcia
Her 2nd email: Dear Lola, Wow! I don't know exactly what happened but shortly after my rather embarassing breakdown (via email no less!) when I was blubbering away to you about my problems, something shifted. Now, I've been getting these shifts periodically, often after divine openings from the book or online course, but now the dam has burst and I'm really on a roll!. I'm nearly ready to open my own business and I'm acting and feeling like I'm already successful. I feel so positive and I just can't stop going forward. When I feel slightly negative, I just refocus on my new career and my new life on my own. And it FEELS SO GOOD!!!
So for the moment, I'll just keep on doing what I'm doing and I will soon register for the Level 2 online course. I keep re-reading your book - not in any particular order anymore, sometimes I just open it at random and read a couple of pages.
By the way, did you send me "something" the day I sent you that tearful email? As I was laying in bed that night, just before I went to sleep, I thought of you strongly and felt a lifting - a positive vibration. Hard to explain, but I think you know what I mean. Anyway, whatever it was, THANK YOU!
Love, Marcia
"Dear Lola, Hello! Thank you for sharing your work and your gifts with us :)
I am surprised at myself for emailing to ask this question of you, because I typically go inside to get my answers.
But here I am.
After the first opening (from the downloaded first section of your book), I got a huge bliss experience of the all is well-ness- especially of myself, my husband.... it was wonderful. However....
You probably know what is coming :)
Since then all my 'challenge places' have been super intense in my face. My digestive troubles of the last 18 mos, which were feeling much better of late with dietary changes and gut cleansing supplements, has been intensified, yet different: short intense periods of pain; also body aches and huge exhaustion. I developed a terrible headache yesterday, such like I haven't had in years (I used to get them frequently, but not for a long time). And my irritation and impatience (and anger and more) with my children, a source of upset for me, has been much stronger too.
I am familiar with the art of being present to my feelings without judgement; I have a much harder time applying this to physical discomfort without feeling I need to 'fix' it. It quickly goes to 'there is something wrong here', which is of course one of the fastest ways to get sideways of Source. It is hard for me to practice with my children, because my feelings are often so intense, are triggered so frequently, and occur in situations that I typically perceive to need immediate response or attention. With them I find it harder not to 'react'.
I have not yet received your book in the mail, so I have only been able to read the first section. Perhaps the rest will answer some of these questions for me. But I hoped maybe you would have a word of advice for me in this time of, well, coughing up a hairball I suppose.
I am also wondering how long you expect delivery of your book to take? I live in Connecticut.
Thank you very much for your consideration of my questions."
Blessings,
Anne
She soon wrote:
"Hi Lola,
It's all fine!!!
Isn't that divine? (hee hee)
It's just all this stuff that is coming up super intense, and then is just dissolving as I am present to it without judgment or reaction. Once I realized, oh it's just stuff coming up -- because it was getting ridiculous, Lola, every (literally) five minutes there was a new surge of emotion in reaction to a thought or a circumstance or a memory- how could I even try to keep up with or make a big deal out of all that! It was so obviously moving up and out. So I lightened up about it!
Now they are moving faster, and they are often just there for a few minutes or seconds. There are a few places I seem to recurringly (is that a word?) get stuck- or maybe have a hard time getting out of the way in regard to? I am looking forward to when those give way! Wow!
Have to say my Doubt Machine has been thoroughly reactivated by all this (I haven't seen that face in years!) and I find it so curious! The 'not-doing-it-ness' (the it's-already-all-ok-ness of it) is pulling up all kinds of interesting beliefs that I am so happy to see sloughing off! It all just fits so perfectly of my intention of inner rather than outer 'seeking' that has been my guiding 'work' (hee hee, if there is such a thing) of the last several years.
Well, I'll stop rambling, but I was so shinied up seeing your email I had to share! Thanks for providing the space!
Looking forward to where this journey will lead!
P.S. When are you coming to the east coast? :)"
Love,
Anne (Akasha)
Then it gets really funny:
"Hi Lola, I just have to share with you my experience because, well, it is just hilariously perfect.
Two days ago I did my second D.O. from the book. As is predictable (although I didn't expect it, funny enough), I am drowning in intense uncomfortable feelings; things I thought were finished are suddenly rearing up again. After blowing up at my kids this morning, I decided maybe I need to 'line up', so I went to your website and clicked on the testimonial page for those experiencing a bumpy road. Wanting a little boost, or support, or added confidence, I suppose.
What did I find, but my own two emails after the first D.O.! And the first was so similar to what I have been feeling this morning... and then my own words in the second email actually began to shift it for me! I began to remember the feeling of that place... And then the total humor of the situation burst on me- here I am looking outside myself for support and affirmation and I get myself! Here I am going round the same cycle I was in a week ago, acting like it was all so new and overwhelming! Saying it like that doesn't somehow reveal the level of mirth I am feeling right now. It just seems totally hilarious to me. It's like when my mom went shopping online for a new house and found her own house (without realizing it was her house) and decided it was the most gorgeous house she'd even seen and could she possibly afford it? So, jokes on me!
Here I am, thinking it's all so REAL! (and- low, deep voice- serious!)
This morning upon waking with the feelings already crashing in, I said a prayer: God, please open me up to the humor this day!
Ask and It Is Given!
Thanks for letting me share,
I hope you find it as amusing as I do!"
Love,
Anne
“I am writing because I am feeling frustrated, angry and do not see any purpose for my life right now. This Divine Opening has really kicked my butt. The other day while fixing my fence my right hip started acting up and by nighttime it was locked up. I remembered that you said that there can be physical symptoms that arise when Divine Grace moves in and does what it does. I was in excruciating pain and wanted to run to take some medicine to relieve my pain, but I decided to stay with it instead. That night I had crazy dreams. I awoke to a locked hip again and my anger and frustration just continued to build. I felt hopeless. I felt like I had no other choice but to remain in bed all day and just let go….so that is what I did. I slept a lot. Finally a few days later I started to feel an inner shift and voila it suddenly was gone…no more locked hip and pain. I was able to walk with full range of motion again and felt more expanded from inside as well.”
“I am writing to remind you of how I was feeling about a week after my first D.O. It went something like this: ‘I feel ill, angst, depressed, hopeless, haunted, my mind stirring, anxious, frozen paralysis to getting anything done, no motivation.’ I remember that you told me that these emotions can come up and to just read Lola’s book and allow these emotions to free flow. When they came up I did not trust that they would pass…they really felt bad and I thought I was going to drown in them. You kept telling me that it will pass…well, I stuck it out and let go of the stories along the way and you were right….it did pass eventually. I am grateful that I am feeling again.”
”Wow this process is really tough. I started to have major heart pains the day after my first D.O. and decided to book a session with the doctor. At the same time I decided to drop into my body and ask it what it needed to tell me. The pain moved into my esophagus where it started to constrict to the point where I had to be on an all liquid diet for a week because the pain was so strong. All the while I kept asking my body to show me what I needed to understand. I kept feeling and feeling beyond the pain that did not go away for almost two weeks. The day before my scheduled gastroscope where they were going to go in and stretch my esophagus out –it all shifted and the pain went away. I felt amazing. It had shifted. My heart charka had opened up and I canceled my appointment. The process that I went through brought up a lot of physical pain that must have been burying many locked up emotions that finally came up to be released. I would tell anyone receiving a D.O. that if they do encounter physical symptoms to really address them on an inner level as well as utilizing traditional means. You were right that it did eventually pass.”
Mindy, who's been doing Divine Openings for a while, was kind enough to write to someone on the Member Forum who was having a tough time: "I began reading Lola's book in Jan. of this year. I went through some experiences similar to yours as I began this "work". If feels silly to call it work now. I would read the testimonials from people who just made it sound so easy and didn't understand why I felt so many negative emotions and felt pretty helpless at what to do about all of them. I would compare my experience to others and feel sad and even angry that mine was not going the same. It too would get me for weeks at a time, making me want to basically just crawl up in a hole and hide until it passed. And it always did. Looking back I know it lasted so long because I had a gigantic amount of resistance to feeling pretty much anything I perceived "negative". I am not sure about you, but I have a very analytical mind and was having a hard time separating the thoughts from the emotions. That sure doesn't help them pass.
So what DID work for me was finding as many ways as possible to get out of my head. Nature was huge, I began to make it a priority to go on hikes, walks regularly even if I didn't feel like it! I began pulling out my guitar and playing my piano, both of which had been collecting dust, singing while I cooked or drove. I would get my paints out and ask my higher self to help me express how I was feeling on paper, no matter how ugly it looked (and man, some of them sure were ugly!). I would blare hyper music and dance around the apartment. Mind you all of this I did not feel like doing, I pretty much had to force myself like you force a child to take some medicine that you know is good for them. And gradually I could feel myself coming out of it. Prostrating has been fabulous too. In those especially yucky times I would do it at least once a day and still do it now just because I enjoy it. And yoga has been wonderful too, I usually begin asking that my breath and the postures assist anything that is stagnant and needs some help moving. Like Melissa, I've also been using sleep to sort things out so I don't even have to know about it. Each night I write down a dream assignment for something I'd like guidance with and I write a list of all the things at that moment that I would like to let go of, or come into my life. It is fun to wake up and remember the dreams, it feels like a little inside joke between you and God, and it's nice knowing you don't have to analyze it or understand it. So I know this is a bit long winded but when I read your post I could identify with it so much and just want to throw anything out there that might help. Be good to yourself, listen to Soothe Yourself and know this is an amazing opportunity for you to let go of things that need letting go of. Let us know how things are going.... you are on your way! Love, Mindy
Hi, Lola - it's Wendy from the one-day intensive in (city). It's taken me a little while to feel like I was "ready" to sit down and write to you; what an adventure it has been since our Divine Openings that day! 'Adventure' is putting it lightly (& nicely!). I know you are terribly busy, so I will try very hard to keep this email short; it will be difficult!
Within 24 hours of the one day intensive, my world went upside-down, and in a big way. Things just exploded, and not in a nice way at all, in a mere matter of 24 hours. The thing I was working on that day when we did the Diving In came to the surface like the next sequel to Jaws! It was terrible, Lola. You wouldn't believe it if I told you what happened, and I am not about to bore you with the hideous details.
Everything came to a point where all the things I was keeping squashed deep down inside, the fear, the worry, the doubt, being manipulated, my secrets, etc. (the list really does go on and on!) were brought out into the light of day and there was no denying any of it. It was the scarriest feeling in the universe, and I didn't think I was going to survive it. BUT, survive I did! And not only survive, but I am actually feeling a little "flourishing" starting to happen. Amazing.
On Friday night, just a couple of days past the one month mark since the Divine Opening, I had an experience that was beyond words. I had gone to bed (by the way, I have been VERY exhausted!) and managed to doze off for just a few minutes. I have been practicing "raving" everyday since our class and had just had a nice session of it before I drifted off. All of the sudden, I was fully awake with a sensation of being about to burst - I thought I was having a heart attack or something - really! Anyway, I had to get up, and as I sat with the incredible sensation I was having, it just got bigger and bigger - so expansive! Tears began to stream down my face and I was filled with such love, pure, beautiful, Divine love to the point that I couldn't tell if I was even breathing anymore. I honestly thought for a second that either I had died or I was certainly about to!
I think the words 'orgasmic rapture' is the only thing that I can come up with that is even remotely, crudely close to what I was experiencing.
The realization of an innate, Divine presence flooded over me; it went on for more than an hour before I actually had to say 'enough!' and ask the Divine to "turn it down"! The tears, however, kept on flowing through the night. The whole experience resulted in the weight of a lifetime of unworthiness, guilt, shame, fear, deception, and on and on, being lifted off of me. I have NEVER experienced anything like this - ever. I am more free, at ease, and peaceful than I have ever been in my entire life since I landed on this planet! That's a HUGE statement for me to make, but it is true, nonetheless. I never thought that such a thing was possible for me, but it has indeed come to pass. What a Divine miracle!
I have no more secrets today. Although I have some things still to walk through before the nuclear explosion is cleaned up entirely, I do not fear it. I have a sense that whatever happens will be a gift of Grace and will turn out just the way it is supposed to. I do not feel threatened, intimidated or afraid. All those lifelong feelings that were so familiar to me until mere days ago have been replaced with an honest sense of well-being, comfort, love and happiness (yes, I actually said "happiness"!). The biggest thing, I think, is that I do not feel alone anymore.... the Divine is right inside of me, IS ME, and I KNOW this now!
All these words pale in comparison to what I am feeling - there is simply no way, as a human being, that I truly describe what has happened to me. Talk about Grace! You ought to hear my daily ravings now! :-)
Well, I just wanted to thank you, Lola. You know, I have to admit that after all the searching and healing and blah, blah, blah that I have done all my life, I had some serious doubts about whether all this Divine Openings stuff was true. I don't doubt a thing now!! The Divine Opening process, and the sheer terror and pain that quickly ensued afterwards, has been the most incredible, beautiful gift I have ever received. Jumping way ahead, I want to come to the next 5 Day Intensive you have after the first of the year - it's on my list!!! Sending you both the deepest gratitude my heart can muster, and all the love & light I can dream for you, Wendy Emory
Hi Lola, The first two Divine Openings, I thought I'd be Super Man, and did them both in one day. Well, the next day was very intense, as I felt incredible anger; and the feeling it gave me was that it was old energy. So I knew it was caused by the Divine Openings releasing something stagnant; because I've never ever felt that much anger. Needless to say, it was a very bad-feeling day. And since then I've been doing one Divine Opening per week, then moved them to once every five days. I've read the book twice already, and I'll keep re-reading it; till I reach Enlightenment, but I'm reading out of pleasure with no objective. My impression of Enlightenment, is that it is a gradual progress. In my humble opinion, you just don't flick a toggle switch on the back of your head, then the light comes on and, there you go; you're now enlightened. I think the divine openings build up the Divine Energy within you with Divine Grace, till you eventually cross a threshold, where there is no turning back, even if you wanted to. But that would be absurd; no one wants pork, when they can have steak; not in my case anyway. So when I look back to the beginning, when I first started divine openings, and compare how I was then to how I am now, I'm aware of the difference. I'm more stable emotionally; I no longer have very strong emotional reactions to things that wouldn't bother the average person (what is an average person anyway? That could be debatable. I really feel uncomfortable using "labels", and words that convey "completion"). I think energy has no beginning, nor an end; it always has been and always will be. That concept is a little challenging to the human mind to make sense of; which is in human nature to make all things make sense. I noticed that I'm more calm and grounded. Also, my mind is beginning to receive information, seemingly, from a new source; a source that's more deeply ingrained. It has a feeling of unfamiliarity to it, but a very comforting feel to it; it feels that the information is "indisputible", and firmer. It also feels like a stronger source. I'm trying my best to analyze it, to convey my perception of it all (only for the purposes of this email). I'm beginning to feel a strength building slowly, that I haven't felt in a long time. I used to be a more introverted person, who had a difficult time bringing up the words fast enough for my mouth to speak them. Now, I can talk, but there isn't a time-lag, where I usually sat and pondered on the right words to say; the words just keep flowing as I speak, and the source is never exhausted. Well, that's the overview for now.
With Warmest Regards, Serge Ouellette
Hi Lola :-) I hope you don't get tired of hearing from me...LOL. The last couple of days have been amazing. I can't seem to stop smiling. The time when I talk to the Divine and my Large Self is when I am in laying in bed, unwinding and getting ready for sleep. For months, off and on but constant for the past couple of weeks, I have what I call a stress knot in my left shoulder blade and pain in the left side of my neck. Chiropractor helps but it always comes back within 24 hours. Last night I focused on the pain, asked the Divine to massage the tight areas, realign the vertebra that always moves because of the tightness. I asked to be shown what I was holding back that was coming out in this area. I drifted off into sleep. When I awoke this morning, the pain was gone. It has not returned all day (which is a first). I'm not sure what I was holding in that area but something definitely moved out.
Also Sunday I listened to two sections of the diving in audios. It was too much. I didn't sleep at all Sunday night, I tossed & turned. My small self was having a grand ole time. I went WAY down on my instrument panel. Monday morning I spent some time realigning myself.
The biggest news is that today I officially became a college student again !!!! WOO HOO. I am working on my Associates degree and then will move on to a Bachelor's degree. I have not had enough confidence in myself in the past to actually believe that this was possible. I had taken a couple of classes and then convinced myself that I was wasting my time. Today on the way to the college to speak to an advisor and enroll in classes for summer and fall, I was nauseous. My small self tried hard to convince me to turn around and not go. Financially, I'll figure out a way to get it done. But actually I am not worried about any of it. Lola, I will be forever gratefully that you came into my life when you did. I still have a lot of work to do but the progress that I have made so far is simply amazing. Again I will say, I can't explain it but I know this is not a fleeting, temporary feeling. It feels normal.
Big hugs to you... ((((( Lola ))))) Love, Pam
Dear Lola, God bless you and thank you so much for your wonderful gifts, I am working through the book at the moment and have had three Divine Openings. I also know you may not read or answer this message due to your time commitments, but I wanted to ask you anyway, because I don't think I can be the only one experiencing this particular burning question.
So here goes: I am totally into this process -- I know for a fact that it's working. After my first Divine Opening, I didn't 'feel' anything at all -- but I got a horrific migraine that lasted a whole week (and that was impervious to all over-the-counter medication!). At the end of Migraine Week, my appendix became infected & had to be removed. Once I realised what this was all about, I had a little laugh with the Divine, who knows I'm fearless about hospitals, operations, etc, but not quite so brave about feelings!
The past week has been a *nightmare*. My body hurts all over, especially my hips. I feel very depressed and low. I feel physically and emotionally 'dead', in between bursts of rage and anger, and self-loathing. I am scared I'm about to lose my temper and break something in fury. A few times, the rage & self-loathing have got so bad that I've hurt myself physically (I don't do this often, but the rage is so strong, it's like I can't control it). I am very worried about this -- I know it's only been a week, but the slightest provocation or little thing going wrong can bring this on.
PLEASE HELP!! I am trying to 'surf' the emotions, and keep reminding myself to try and be gentle, and it's just that I am coughing up a hairball -- but really, I feel like I need some help. I feel I can't deal with this alone, and I've nobody to talk to (other than well-meaning family who will tell me I need anti-depressants and counselling. I don't, as you know -- I just need God).
If you could please help, I would be very grateful. At the moment, there isn't any ease, peace, gentleness or flow -- and I have asked for these.
Much love and many thanks, and may God bless you abundantly.
'Dawn', UK.
Folks like this are advised to get one on one sessions or come to a live course.
Occasionally, I do get an email like this:
"Actually, I do not see wonderful things from the course. It is actually discouraging that every audio and everything say how wonderful and quick this is. I haven't experienced bliss and I'm not even sure about relief. Since I did the live course already, that is more discouraging. Maybe I should have started with the simple stuff first. I just wanted results quicker and it apparently didn't work that way.
I don't understand this course. I try to feel the feelings but they don't go deeper. I think I feel the way I feel. The thought story still goes on. I do not know how to ignore the stories that create fear, hopeless, anger, frustration, whatever it is. There isn't anything but low vibrations so how can I not make decisions in it? Life must go on, right.
I still wake up alternatively anxious, fearful, whatever. I have been trying to give my tax and other situations over to the divine to ignore it and let it go. There needs to be something to replace the thought, but then that would be working on the problem. However, I feel that if the problem keeps coming into my thoughts, what is the harm of using some other method to fix it, since if it won't stay out of my mind, then I didn't look for it to get fixed. It is already there. You can't blank out your own mind.
I know there was that other lady who wondered when she would have thoughts again. That didn't happen to me. If we aren't supposed to compare our stories to others, Why do other people's stories keep filling everything in the courses?
Twice I hurt my shoulder a day after a divine opening online. I am not sure I even want to do them more often. I have been doing a little raving. That is the only method I see here for replacing one thought with another. But it isn't really getting rid of the thoughts. How is it we are to resist our thoughts but not the feelings they just created.
I'd love to have a breakthrough experience to share."
I wrote to her that I am here if she would like to have personal counseling, which is ALWAYS more powerful. The happy ending is yet to come, but it's out of my control.
Dear Lola, I can't thank you enough for the amazing experiences I'm having since I first discovered your website three weeks ago!
The energy I felt coming from the webpages was so strong, I couldn't believe it and ordered the book immediately. I then went back and explored further and read the first 35 pages from your book which I downloaded. I have to pace myself so as not to rush to finish the book (I'm nearly done now). I have now done three Divine Openings (two from your fabulous artwork) and the photograph of the Divine Openings Givers. The first time I deeply gazed at the first work of art in the book (online) I felt heaviness on the top of my head which started to run down to my fingers and toes which were tingling after the two minutes. I then closed my eyes (while sitting at the computer) and really felt an enormous amount of energy all through my body. After the 15 minutes was up I felt so exhausted I had to go and lie down!
The second Divine Opening was the Buddha painting and after the two minutes of looking, I immediately went to lie down and promptly fell asleep for half an hour. I woke up refreshed and more energized.
But, quite literally, as you mentioned might happen in your book, "all hell broke loose" in my personal life. I am going through a separation from my husband of 20 years and it has been emotionally draining. Things finally came to a head about 10 days ago, and a major catharsis happened to me. I have been trying to remain calm and collected, but suddenly emotions sprang up and I exploded!! I had no control over myself, and was actually completely shocked at myself, but I think it was one of the best things to have happened - it had to come out! I have been so worried and fearful about how things will turn out, but now after reading a large part of your book and doing the Divine Openings, I am much more positive about the future and am really trying to "let go" and let the good stuff come. I feel that I have already made progress and the best thing is that the heavy knot in my stomach is starting to go away. I am trying to feel compassionate towards my husband and some days I am able to feel this. Last weekend, I spent an entire afternoon out in the woods with my dog and felt completely blissful - I haven't felt truly happy in a very long time. Nature helps me - I feel the energy there. The next day, I was completely and hopelessly depressed - possibly the lowest point in my entire adult life. I just wanted to curl up in a corner and sob my eyes out (I didn't - I had to force myself to go to work). Talk about ups and downs!! Finally, I am starting to feel a bit more stabilized, and I am trying not to be so hard on myself - to just accept where I am right now and try to go with the flow.
I have wonderfully supportive friends, family and two amazing teenage boys who make it all worthwhile. And now I have YOU!!
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Love and best wishes.
Marcia
Dear Lola,
God bless you and thankyou so much for your wonderful gifts, I am working through the book at the moment and have had three Divine Openings. I also know you may not read or answer this message due to your time commitments, but I wanted to ask you anyway, because I don't think I can be the only one experiencing this particular burning question.
So here goes: I am totally into this process -- I know for a fact that it's working. After my first Divine Opening, I didn't 'feel' anything at all -- but I got a horrific migraine that lasted a whole week (and that was impervious to all over-the-counter medication!). At the end of Migraine Week, my appendix became infected & had to be removed. Once I realised what this was all about, I had a little laugh with the Divine, who knows I'm fearless about hospitals, operations, etc, but not quite so brave about feelings!
The past week has been a *nightmare*. My body hurts all over, especially my hips. I feel very depressed and low. I feel physically and emotionally 'dead', in between bursts of rage and anger, and self-loathing. I am scared I'm about to lose my temper and break something in fury. A few times, the rage & self-loathing have got so bad that I've hurt myself physically (I don't do this often, but the rage is so strong, it's like I can't control it). I am very worried about this -- I know it's only been a week, but the slightest provocation or little thing going wrong can bring this on.
PLEASE HELP!! I am trying to 'surf' the emotions, and keep reminding myself to try and be gentle, and it's just that I am coughing up a hairball -- but really, I feel like I need some help. I feel I can't deal with this alone, and I've nobody to talk to (other than well-meaning family who will tell me I need anti-depressants and counselling. I don't, as you know -- I just need God).
If you could please help, I would be very grateful. At the moment, there isn't any ease, peace, gentleness or flow -- and I have asked for these.
Much love and many thanks, and may God bless you abundantly.
'Dawn', UK.
We advised her to get one on one help.
A Letter from Lola to the Divine Openings Givers. We want to share it with all of you:
One person from the Canada 2-Day Intensive had a heart attack right after the course, and now sees it as a blessing that she found out there was a hole in her heart. This was no surprise to me. She was very, very heavy. She told me she's been a victim. Now that energy is moving on. In the course, I could feel that she had heart blockage on many levels, but did not try to fix it. She and her Large Self are handling it, and she did one private session with me to soothe her mind in the process. See, all is well no matter what happens, but her mind still needs reassurance of that.
Two others from the Canada 2-Day got very sick and wrote me afterward. I soothed, but did not try to save them. I gave them options for sessions and said "or..... FEEL what you're feeling fully and you won't experience it physically so much". You will find that those who have very strong walls up against feeling will often manifest the energy movement as physical distress -- illness or pains. Of course, if they had known how to let emotion and energy flow, they would not be in the fix they're in!
You'll find that people who are terrified to feel either have the strongest emotional/physical reactions as the walls come down, or the longest struggle before the dam breaks...... and they feel huge chunks at once. Sometimes everything in their life has to break down before they give it up.
It is so astounding to find that feeling is one of the most feared experiences on the planet. And feeling is your Life energy flow, and your guidance system!
Michael experienced his full power and God Self during the initiation in Canada a week ago. He said he felt he was about to levitate as he stood there after, basking in the energy. (I was in nirvana, but keeping one foot on the ground to manage the process.) Then a few days later he had a HUGE movement of stagnant energy (fear, terror, sadness, grief) and he thought he was going to die! Being a black belt and relying on human ideas of strength for 35 years, he didn't realize how much he had not been feeling. But the awakening of the God Self within pushes out anything that is not in alignment with God Self. Sometimes violently. And then it must integrate into your daily life. That can take a while. Let's say he's flowing much smoother.
Men sometimes have great difficulty with feeling deep deep deeply, having been trained their whole lives not to show "weakness", but some women have those walls too. A war hero who fears no gun, bomb, or knife can break down into a twitching, terrified blob when confronted with his own feelings about a dying parent or a lost love. That feeling can't be shot, stabbed, or conquered. It must be experienced fully.
When people aren't feeling, they will try to manage everything with the mind, from the neck up. They try to think through their feelings, or do the spiritual bypass and not have them. One man who is very, very powerful and successful in the world fled the 5-Day in cold sweats with his muscles all seizing up, and I have not heard from him after many emails and calls. Feeling had been his waterloo through many phone sessions. I know he will complete it when he's ready. He's a lovely, generous, sensitive person. He wants to make a difference and does, and this just demonstrates to you how terrifying it is to feel when the mind has told you for decades that you must not feel THAT!
And once you feel it, you're FREE! Very quickly!
The vast majority of people you work with will NOT have these difficulties .... it will be a blissful, sweet unfolding. But you need to know that it does happen, and that the more you prepare them, the easier they go through it, and they don't think they're losing their minds or get false medical alarms. As you can see, some alarms are real. The book says all this, but people can panic and don't remember. You are not responsible for them -- they are -- but you can help if they will let you, and if they will stick with it.
Love you all,
Lola
