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Love, and a question about working on onesself

Dear beautiful beings, Thank you all for being here and making this place alive! I've been doing DO for two years now and this place has become my oasis. I used to come here and my mind would tell me that everyone was crazy and blissed-out and in-denial -- my mind was so strong I couldn't hear you, or it was very faint! It was all too high a vibration for me. But now I can hear you, and I am ready to hear more! Just rereading old messages feels refreshing and restoring. So thank you to all of you for being out there ... I have a question about working on myself ... This is a deep very old habit for me. And I am (hooray!) managing to release this habit in most parts of my life. And onenpart of my life where I find it hard to let go is parenting. I am a mother of a 3-yr-old and used to read a lot of parenting books -- it was my life, learning and practicing technique after technique. It was helpful but after a while I'd start to feel confused, ungrounded, it was too inauthentic, externally-driven. So I stopped all of that. But without those "worky" tools, I ended up damagin my relationship with my kid. I had forgotten my intentions and ideals. So now to remind myself of how I want to be as a parent, I am reading from one author I know well whose voice uncovers my own. And it is so helpful for me and my child!! But I wonder if this is seeking or working on myself, or giving my power away. Sometimes I feel powerful when I do this. Sometimes I notice myself giving too much power to this outside source. I would love to discover this voice within ... Yet I feel resistant and afraid of damaging my child if my behavior "worsens" in the process ... I wonder what others' experiences have been or if anyone has any thoughts ... Thanks in advance, Patty
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Gabriele, wow!

Gabriele, I only just saw your post today but this part really spoke to me, and brought me to tears: "... have you noticed, how much you sense already? You sense when it is inspiring and helpful to read and when it is giving power away, you sense when you are close to your child and when you aren't... this is huge! It is everything, and it is already the guidance you are looking for, isn't this awesome?!" Yes!! Absolutely! The guidance is already there, isn't it?! What am I still looking for? (Lol!) Thank you for pointing this out to me ... The rest of your message was so soothing to me. "... there is so much love, freedom, adventure and joy to experience right now and every day is new! ... And if I at that moment don't yet know how to be there for one of the others, I relax on it, knowing it will get clearer by itself. I can even let them be upset easier ..." Yes, yes to all of this, this is where I'm headed! Thank you for being an encouraging voice out there. You know, I'm finding that *all* of your wonderful voices are helping me uncover my own. That is an unexpected surprise. Thank you and blessings to you! xxx

Annon, thank you!

Annon, I read your message just a few days ago and after plunging myself into the deep-end by not taking in any outside sources (as I described in my message to Grace and Johan), your message was the perfect soothing counterpart. Of course I can use this outside source. Of course I can keep my power. I'm already in this wonderful place of knowing what I want and I can let in some help to remember that when I need it -- but it's unfolding and it's going to get even better, it will become inner-driven. THANK YOU for reminding me that I could see it that way! It's all coming ... And thank you also for the appreciation you sent my way about what I am trying to achieve. On a very personal, small-self level, I felt so understood, and I really cherished hearing those loving words. I didn't realize how much I was wanting some recognition and acknowledgment for what I am attempting. Thank you for your amazing message ...

Johan, Grace, your messages have been sinking in ...

Johan, Grace, It's taken me a lot of diving in to really hear your messages ... It's funny, I thought DO was separate from parenting and vice versa, I have wanted parenting to just be a part of living my life but that has eluded me. But after reading your messages and diving in, focusing on Inner Guidance, I see that it is all one thing, DO *is* about parenting, of course it is! It is like you both said, everything I want to facilitate for my child, I am learning to do for myself, so it is like learning how to parent inside-out. I haven't turned to outside sources since reading your posts and just really tried tuning in (to both me and my child) in times of conflict. There was a moment when I actually thought, "Oh my God! I thought I was empty of feelings but I have been bypassing this whole time!" And after feeling those feelings, it has been a whole new level of parenting for me. I knew intellectually why I want to parent the way I do but now I am letting go of all that knowledge (research says this, experts say that, these ideal systems say this) and am just noticing what feels good. I felt afraid that what would feel good to me would be harmful for my child but it brings tears to my eyes to say, what feels *really* good for me is when we both are feeling good. This has completely restored my faith in my own human nature, my "goodness." And this is bringing all my old ideals back down to earth. No books, just this scary/free place of trying and learning, making mistakes and fixing it but finally feeling how beautiful it can be to just be me with my chils! I'm really experiencing that connection ... Before, I just wanted to brute-force it, follow the instructions, master the techniques, say just the right words, and create this connection. Now I feel like i am actually connecting because I am (more) free to just be myself. Thank you so much for that, Grace, Johan. Your messages were so powerful and helpful to me! I am so grateful for what you have shared with me!

"outside" help

Dear Patty,
You wrote:
"I would love to discover this voice within ... Yet I feel resistant and afraid of damaging my child if my behavior "worsens" in the process."
You can Intend to discover this voice within, and let the Divine accomplish it for you. It's already there anyway--it's the voice of the Presence within you, knowing what's needed in every moment.
Your 10% may include diving in to the fear you mention, when you feel it--any sense of unworthiness and being "not enough." I'm guessing that fear gets in the way of hearing the voice within and trusting it.
As our Larger Self we create the help we need, as we "created" Lola and Divine Openings in our lives. Someone "whose voice uncovers my own" is fine. We find things in each day which help keep our vibration up. We love the sense of community with people on our wavelength, even if it is through a book. Your unease with depending on it is part of the wonderful process of expansion: you've noticed that ideas and techniques can come between you and being authentic in the moment with your child, and you're feeling the desire for more inner knowing and sureness. The book helps now, but you'd love to be able to keep your vibration up more on your own. So you WILL. It will come. You may still read this woman's book when you feel like it, enjoying her vibration and words as you would a friend, but feel the need to rely on her fade away. In the meantime, it would be good to notice when your vibration is up as you're being with your child, and enjoy that feeling, knowing that no amount of reading, no one else's brilliant ideas could produce that vibration if YOU weren't able to go there. And that that vibration is getting more and more familiar to you. And that your Large Self just used that book to remind you how to get there.
I've noticed when I learn new things in massage therapy: any new technique I'm learning will eventually become "my own," flow without my conscious thought--or it wasn't right for me in the first place.
You're wonderful, and your child is blessed to have you! And your child intended to be with you, with all of what you see as your "imperfections". In that village it takes to raise a child, your child will create everything he or she needs for his or her own purposes, the help, the opportunities, and challenges, from you and from others. I love you for bringing another person into this world with so much love and willingness to explore the ways one can be with a child.
Peace,
Annon

Johan, Grace, thank you ...

A lot of what you both said reflect what I am trying to create in my home. And Grace, THANK YOU for that Divine Mother Hug, I needed that! So much became clear to me after reading your posts ... I'm not so much worried about being "a good mother" ... I know I want to create: a loving relationship with my child, a consciousness where I am minding my own vibration, staying out of the way of my child who is so clear and awake and in-tune to his Instrument Panel! I want to be responsive and AWAKE too -- I see this as my 10%! And this is the part that eludes me -- without reading these words from a fellow mom (who also lives her life this way, focusing not on rules/behavior/societal norms but connection to Self and others, *allowing* her child to follos his own way and staying connected to herself, like DO but in other terms). When I read her words about how she lives her days with her child, it is like a download for me and my whole being says, "Yes!" and I get a powerful vibrational attunement that carries me through my whole day, and now I am managing to be the parent I want to be. So this was the conflict for me ... I have been actively trying not to seek or work on myself for a while now and now I'm thinking, maybe this is finally just my own guidance system using this helpful source for inspiration and vibrational attunement for my days spent with my child. This is my passion, my dream, to become this parent and hold an empowering vibration for my child. And yet when I don't take the time to read this mom's words, my vibration flags and sometimes I fall back asleep (getting caught up in emotions, allowing low vibrations to spill over onto my child, becoming vacant/numb, just generally doesn't feel very good). In contrast to days when I attune to this outside source, I feel empowered, clear, focused, connected to my Large Self, can feel my feelings effortlessly, can connect with my child easily, enjoy harmonious days, and I feel great. I guess it's my mind who says, "Wait, isn't this seeking or working on yourself? This must be wrong." but maybe I can let go of having to understand this and just let it in as long as I stay tuned into my Inner Guidance ... If any of you have experience with recognizing that Inner Knowing of whether you are seeking vs empowering yourself with tools, I'd love to hear ... Thank you again everyone, Patty

you are so attuned already

Wow, Patty, apart from the wonderful replies posted here already (so beautifully put both of them!) have you noticed, how much you sense already? You sense when it is inspiring and helpful to read and when it is giving power away, you sense when you are close to your child and when you aren't... this is huge! It is everything, and it is already the guidance you are looking for, isn't this awesome?! Sometimes it can be great to read and at other times it is seeking or giving your power away.. no need to throw the book out, just feel when what is the case, it is brilliant that you can do that. See it as a source for inspiration: it reminds you of choices and possible intentions. How those intentions are realized you can hand over to the Divine. That is not your job. You keep choosing which direction to aim for, the Divine will sort out the details how to get there. So you can really relax with the soothing and encouraging replies before, which as a mother of three kids I can totally confirm, and enjoy the unfolding from there. Drop the past or feel the guilt about any seeming "damaging" times so that it loses its grip on you, there is so much love, freedom, adventure and joy to experience right now and every day is new! I find that now in my fourth year of Divine Openings I consciously start acknowledging when I do well as a Mom or had a beautiful moment with one of my children. And if I at that moment don't yet know how to be there for one of the others, I relax on it, knowing it will get clearer by itself. I can even let them be upset easier and have noticed that after some rough in-betweens this provided them with a whole new freedom, power of their own and stability on the long run. Sending you much love and wishing you joy and freedom in growing, exploring, failing and succeeding in this great adventure with you child, Gabriele

We are all perfectly natural good parents

Yes, Johan, agreed! Patty, You have set your intention to have a beautiful relationship with your child, and now you can let the Divine do the heavy lifting...Who else could do it better? Let yourself fully feel those feelings of fear and uncertainty, even play with them and exaggerate them until they just go of their own accord. You don't need to be scared of them. Your child loves you, and just wants to be with you and be heard by you. When we let go of our worrying, and just trust that our higher selves are taking care of our wishes for us, we can be free to be ourselves, be present for others, and learn to love ourselves just the way we are. In the meantime while you are allowing that in, I am sending you a ton of love, and a giant Divine Mother hug to comfort and soothe you. As you feel and let go, you will automatically learn to be your own best friend, as I did, and will talk to yourself soothingly and lovingly. Your child will see you loving yourself, and I think that's the best gift you can give him or her. She'll learn to do all that for herself. How great will that be? So much love, and blessings, Grace

Allowing

Hi Patty I'm a parent of a 2 year old daughter and a 14 year old son...I adore both of them and often get caught up in the whole (am I a good dad) thing. The one thing never to lose sight of is that these little beings are powerful creative beings in their own right. You actually owe them nothing as they owe you nothing. The ONLY thing you need to do is to fully embrace yourself as the Presence in this very physical body. I know that my smaller, very human self will put up all kinds of mental ideas about what is good for the kids, what is not, what I need to do as a parent and blah, blah, blah! The only reality that matters here is that we are authentically who we REALLY are....The more you relax into your being the easier it is for EVERYONE you interact with to realize that they can do that too. Drop the mental need to do it right and just realize that it all is right anyway....forever :)